Why We're Not Finding Out the Gender of Our Baby

The most common question I get when people see I'm pregnant is whether it's a boy or a girl. My new default answer is "It's a surprise!" Some people respond that surprises are the best or that they did this also, but so many people wonder how we can wait so long. There are so many reasons why I wanted to wait, so I thought a blog post was in order!

What's Another Wait ?

I've always wanted kids. I used to play house all the time as a kid (and the names we have picked out have been with me since then). In my mind, I've been waiting 30+ years to know if I'm having a boy a girl. Adding a few more months to that feels like nothing. Pregnancy is all about waiting, so, what's another wait?

No Preference

I've always wanted more than one kid. Unless something goes terribly wrong with delivery, that's still the plan. I'm not sure exactly where we'll end up but I'd like at least one girl and one boy.... but the order has never seemed important to me. I've heard people say a girl has to have an older brother, but I've seen plenty of families with older sisters that have turned out just fine. I'm sure an older sister would still be a great example and very protective of younger siblings just as my older brothers were to me.

And for the second kid? Since I would have a preference, that seems like more of a reason to wait. I wouldn't want disappointment over something like gender to affect my feelings towards the pregnancy. Obviously, I'm going to love my babies no matter what so going in with a blank slate keeps me from making any judgments before I've even met this little person.

That's what my mom did too. She always wanted a girl and thought she was going to have two kids so she decided not to find out for the second (but my Dad did). It wasn't until they were on the way to the hospital and he said "have you thought of any boy names?" that she realized she might not be having a girl. No one would ever doubt that she didn't love my brother Chris as much (maybe more!) than the rest of us, but she spared herself those months of being sad she wasn't getting her girl (and hey, it worked out eventually!!).

It Doesn't Really Matter

If you're reading this blog, you probably know a little bit about Dan and I. We're not big on gender stereotypes. Dan doesn't harvest any toxic masculinity and I've always thought of myself as a Tomboy who likes to dress up sometimes. Needless to say - we wouldn't want to push some pre-imposed stereotypes on our kids. Whether we have a boy or a girl, I hope they are kind and smart and like sports and good food. Personally, I'm hoping BabyW decides to be an astronaut.

People ask a lot how we can possibly plan for a baby when we don't know the gender. It's been really easy! We're decorating in light grey with multicolored accents. We love the thought of encouraging our baby to love animals and science and space and dinosaurs. Anything that encourages our baby to have a curiosity around learning and science, feels like a better decorating theme than bubblegum pink or light blue.

A True Surprise

I LOVE surprises. I also love figuring things out and solving mysteries so, at the end of the day, I haven't had many true surprises. Dan has basically given up in this department and when he does try to surprise me, it's more of a few week lead up where he asks me what my latest guess is.

So, for me, having this super natural, HUGE surprise is really exciting. Yes, I have looked up every old wives' tale and Chinese Gender Chart and I have my guess but the beauty is that I just won't actually know until I'm holding my baby. SO while I think I'm having a girl, there's still a 50% chance that the Doctor will hand me a baby boy and that will be perfectly ok.