On Pregnancy

If you read my last post, follow me on Instagram, or are a Facebook friend than this isn't a surprise but.... I'M PREGNANT!!!! This is obviously a huge life change and accordingly, I have a lot of thoughts about it. Pregnancy is either a lot of oversharing or undersharing so I thought I'd write a post that's somewhere in between - a collection of my thoughts on some of the biggest things that come along with pregnancy (and aren't really talked about). I want to be open but I'm not looking to gross anyone out so don't worry about gruesome details here. Some are based on questions I've been asked already and others based on things that have been on my mind a lot. I hope it's interesting!

You can never take just one!

P.S. I have a lot of ovulation and pregnancy tests if anyone wants them. They're way cheaper in bulk but expire in 2019 so... up for grabs!

Getting Pregnant

Getting pregnant is complicated. Let's assume that all women fall in three categories: trying not to pregnant, ok if it happens (not using protection but also not tracking fertile days), and actively trying. I went from group 1 to group 3 and that can be confusing. It's such a big change to not want to get pregnant for so long and then really, really want to. It can be hard to wrap your head around.

So take that confusing feeling and add that getting pregnant is actually kind of complicated. For some people it happens instantly (even on accident) and for some people it takes years or doesn't happen at all. For us, it took several months so not the best and definitely not the worst scenarios. It got frustrating at times (but we're still lucky it happened without too much strife!).

My point is - trying to get pregnant can be difficult emotionally. There's definitely a stigma about openly discussing these things but luckily I had a few friends that listened to me through it all and I appreciate them so much.

My Body

Bump watch 2019

Obviously pregnancy is a time of physical changes and weight gain. As someone who's focused a lot on being fit the last couple of years, this is a big change for me... but I'm here for it! People assume that the weight gain would freak me out but my biggest thing has always been seeing the potential that my body has... and what better way than creating life? If that's not the coolest thing women do with their bodies than I don't know what is. I've actually really enjoyed tracking the changes in my body. While I joke with Dan about "getting fat," I'm actually excited that a little bump is starting to appear.

Of course, it also means a lot to me to have a smooth recovery. I'm hoping that my health and fitness level before getting pregnant will help with that. I oil and lotion up my belly like it's my job. I'm here for the pregnancy changes but I'm also hoping to minimize the long term damage.

Not Drinking

This one has actually been easier than I thought! I did a Whole30 once so I have some experience with not drinking for a while but obviously pregnancy is a lot longer. There are some big differences between not drinking for this and not drinking for a diet. Obviously, pregnancy is something much bigger than yourself and abstaining from something you enjoy because of the health of your child is a pretty noble reason not to drink. You also have a lot more options than a diet. On Whole30 there were only a couple of non-water things you could drink and even still, in moderation. With Pregnancy, you can still have juices and mocktails and other beverages that are little more fun. Lastly... you just don't feel all that hot when you're pregnant. Morning sickness feels a lot like being hungover and I think most drinkers know, you generally don't feel like a drink when you're having a rough morning. Another thing that helped was cutting back on drinking while trying to get pregnant (alcohol might affect fertility) so I was able to ease into the transition.

There are obviously times when abstaining is a little bit harder though. Big social events, especially with a lack of other beverage options, can be tough. I've learned a few easy mocktails that most bars can accommodate but since I wasn't a big cocktail drinker, it tends to be too much sweetness if I have more than 1-2. However, it still gets a little boring when everyone else is drinking. Eating out with groups is hard too. It's generally easier to split a check evenly... but drinks are expensive and it doesn't feel fair to me to have to pay for something I didn't consume - especially because babies are expensive too. Lastly, I like wine because I like the taste. Usually when I want it the most, it's because I've seen a new wine and I'm curious about it or I'm thinking about what would pair with my dinner. It's not in a "I NEED A DRINK WAY" but more that I'm missing something that has very much been a hobby for me.

The biggest thing I've learned though - is that it's important to support friends that aren't drinking regardless of the reason. I'll be the first to admit that I've been super guilty about this and I apologize to anyone I've made uncomfortable. The amount of push back I received just from cutting back before getting pregnant was annoying to say the least. So if a friend says they don't want another drink - that's fine. Also, still invite those people out! Just because I'm not drinking doesn't mean I don't want to be social. Let that be on me to figure out. Maybe I'll still be too tired or maybe some situations still won't make sense for me (like if drinks are included in the price no matter what), but generally, I'd rather still see friends before my life changes forever with a baby than be left out just because I'm not drinking.

Eating for (Not Quite) Two

Goals!

This is one of the things I was most excited about! I obviously try to eat healthy so getting to let loose a little was something to look forward to. Of course, like everything else in pregnancy, it's more complicated than that!

First of all, you're not eating for two. It's really like another 300 calories a day. Babies are small, yo! Second, you're supposed to still eat healthy. I decided to do a little bit of a compromise. Since I ate SO healthy before, it seemed fair to me to be able to splurge a little bit on treats that I didn't normally eat. Approaching it with the goal of balance seemed really logical to me.

Reality

But pregnancy is not logical. I've found it so hard to eat vegetables and a lot of red meats. Some days, I tell Dan he better not come home if he doesn't have a pizza or some ice cream. Other days, it's hard to stomach anything other than carbs. Baby also loves fruit which feels like a great way to get some nutritious food in while still appeasing the cravings.

Another issue has been just how frequently I get hungry now. I've always been more a small/frequent meals person but with this baby it's a must. I tend to only feel un-well when I'm hungry... but I get hungry all the time. I've had to find ways to snack all the time, including the middle of the night. On the flip side, you get full easily when you're pregnant as well because your stomach is sharing space with the baby so it's really just about making sure you're never too far from something you can eat easily. The hunger strikes quickly and it strikes hard.

Things have gotten better now that I'm in the second trimester and I'm working on getting back to that balance that I originally pictured for myself. It's a struggle for sure, but I'm working on it!

Exercise

I had big aspirations for pregnancy fitness. I'd been following some fitness accounts of women who got pregnant and was so inspired by how active they were in their pregnancies. Seeing a woman do a pull up with an 8 month bump (when I can't even do one un-assisted normally) is goals AF.

Pregnant Spartan!!!

...but not the reality. The first trimester I was either sick or tired the whole time and those are not conditions condusive to going to the gym. I was also worried about losing the pregnancy (which is more likely the first 12 weeks) and wasn't ready to share the news with the trainers. Even working out at home was tough. I'd use all my energy to get through the work day (it's important to me to not use pregnancy as an excuse at work) and then just crash. Even making dinner was next to impossible some days. The best I could do was go on a walk a few times a week. Luckily, that was great for doggy and walking is one of the best (and safest) way to exercise during pregnancy. I also wasn't too hard on myself if that just felt impossible.

Now that I'm through the rough patch, working out more is one of my goals. Regular bootcamp classes still intimidate me (the trainers know now and I can modify, but it's still a lot), but I've been going to the lifting class. It's more self paced and almost everyone who attends are really close and know about what's going on with me. Last week was my first class after going public and I was chatting as much lifting which was definitely nice (and of course, I like the attention). My goal this month has just been to get out of the house at least once a day (preferably for some sort of walk or exercise), but next month it's going to be doing something active more days than not.

This hike was just not going to happen

And for any haters - I've done A LOT of research here. Pregnancy is not the time to start anything new or up your game but it's fairly safe to resume activities you were doing before getting pregnant (with exceptions). I've learned the things I definitely can't do and have been talking to Dan (fitness husbands are handy!) and doing research on how to modify or what to do instead. I also got an HR monitor. The heart rate cap is outdated science but I feel more comfortable keeping tabs on it. Sometimes I get out of breath quickly but my HR is in a reasonable range so I know I'm ok. I also want to know if it's spiking out of my HR zones so I can stop and let my body recover. Plus, I'm very in tune with my body. We went on a hike last week and it felt bad... and got worse... so we stopped. Baby is the priority 100%.

Gender Reveal

Yea, we're not doing that. Not at all, actually. We want to be surprised by the baby's gender. I have another post planned that goes more into this so stay tuned.

And Everything Else!!!

Pregnancy is full of surprises. For the most part, it's been a really happy time for me. I've always wanted to be a mom and was eager for it to be the right time. Even through all the ups and downs of symptoms, I've been really happy and excited about what's to come.

The one thing that I wasn't expecting though... was how lonely pregnancy can be. All of my friends either already have kids and are very busy with that... or are no where near that step in life. Not having kids myself, I don't always know how to navigate the relationships with parent friends and whether they need attention or space. I also feel like my not-having-kids-soon friends want to go out and party all the time (which is fine!!!) and I'm just not there any more, or am not included because they assume the pregnant lady wouldn't want to go. They're still my friends but I don't feel like I fit in on either side and that leaves me at home cuddling with the dog instead of getting some human interaction. I'm worried about it getting worse when the baby is actually here too. I'm hoping to make some mom friends between now and then but I don't even know where to start with that. It all just makes me feel incredibly lonely some days.

I'm sure you're wondering where Dan is in all this. Yes, he is here. He does work though and sometimes weird or long hours. I also don't want to tell him he can't do things in his free time just because I'm emotional so he sees friends sometimes and works out a lot. He's as supportive as I need him to be, but I know it's not great to have 1 person you depend 100% on. It's times like these that not having my mom around hurts more than ever. Just having her to call and talk to would help a lot with all of the emotions I'm feeling.

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So that sums it up (gorey and personal details aside)!!! Pregnancy, for the most part, is not really how I imagined. I definitely figured with the shape I was in before getting pregnant that I'd be one of those super pregnant ladies that just does everything and has perfect skin and is always smiling. Nope! I'm human too! This baby has slowed me down a lot over the last couple of months but I'm still excited about everything that is happening with my body.

I also want to give super props to any woman who have gone through this while also taking care of kids they already have! At this stage in my life, aside from work (which is from home so I can still be in sweat pants or get a little more sleep in lieu of a commute), I don't have a lot of things I have to do so I can focus on taking it easy and self-care. That all changes with kids so mad props to everyone who already takes care of little ones and double props if you're doing it while pregnant. Moms really are Wonder Women.

2018 New Year Resolutions Revisted

So this post is delayed! Normally I work on these throughout the year but for some reason I didn't last year. In fact, last year may have been my lightest for blogging ever. I'm planning on fixing that! I have a lot of drafts and ideas I've been playing with. Some are about a topic we'll touch on later on this post and others I've just been putting off.

Basically, I just haven't been as motivated to write lately. Like most artists, I tend to create more in times of high emotion and things have been pretty smooth sailing lately. I do think of a lot of blog posts but I've also just been really tired lately. Sometimes, just getting through work and life can be a lot and adding blog posts on top can be overwhelming.

But! I must do my yearly resolutions. I have so much to say about last year... and it's a good place to start on getting my blog posts going again.

Spartan Trifecta

I did it!!! It's crazy that this has been on my resolution list several times and now it's done! It was done by mid last year so it feels so long ago now. I saw a friend a few weeks ago and they asked how it went. "HARD" I said. "But do you feel really amazing about it now that's done?" they replied. "No, I feel like it was really hard" I said.

... and that sums it up! I definitely feel like it was a big accomplishment but the Beast race was very challenging. I thought the 12+ mile race would take me about 4 hours. It took almost 6. The elevation and inclines really hurt me. I don't think my nutrition was enough for that extreme of a race. I had a late start time. Most of all, I needed to train a lot more for those conditions. I did it though! I would just want to do a lot better next time.

So would I do it again? Yea, I think I would. I definitely want to do the shorter Spartan Races again - the Sprints and Supers, but I'd want to approach a Beast a lot differently. I'd want an earlier start time, I'd want to train more with hill running, and I'd want to pick a race that was not at elevation.

However, it's going to be a while before I do any Spartan race again. I need a little bit of a break for sure.

One New Etsy Item a Week

I did really well at this at first! I was adding things weekly... and then I realized it made more sense to add a bunch of items at once. There's some economies of scale for me to do a few items at the same time and this made more sense to me. I would still post things on my Instagram once or twice a week to spread out the marketing of it a little but there was no reason to hold back items I'd already made just because of a resolution.

Later in the year, I hit some speed bumps though. The computer that had the software stopped being able to connect to the internet so I had to constantly transfer files back and forth. Eventually, this became too annoying and I just stopped making listings the last few months of the year. I still came close to 52 new listings because I did so many earlier in the year, but I'm disappointed I didn't find a better work around to my computer issue... like buying new software for a better computer.

Grow My Etsy Business to Amazon

This didn't happen at all. I didn't even try. I DID, however, start building a good following for my Etsy shop on Instagram. I still have a lot I can do here but I've gotten a bunch of followers a several sales through my Instagram posts so that's exciting.

I'm not sure Amazon makes sense for my product but a good way to expand would be through selling items that help with cross stitch. I know mailing actual items is a lot more work so it would be interesting to see how it goes. I recently got a question asking if I sold one of the products I was thinking of for my shop which just shows that this idea is on the right track.

Change My Name

I came really close!!! I started the process... I just never made my way to the SS office. But soon! It doesn't make sense to do it right this second since it will mess up our tax return but it's on the short list for things to do earlier this year.

Waste Less

This isn't something measurable but I think we did a good job! In general, this goal was just about acquiring fewer items. We have so much junk in our house and I wanted to scale down, not keep getting things. The side effect - you spend less money as well and it feels really, really good. I want to keep on this path for sure and shift away from buying a lot of stuff to getting a few quality products that we'll really use.

Re-Coop Real Estate Expenses

This also went no where and it showed me that maybe it's time to leave this one aside. It's hard when you've invested a lot of money and time into something that just wasn't a good fit for you. I thought the referral program would be a good way for me get at least some of the cost back. However, this ended up being a dead end.

Do One Chore a Day

I feel like we're doing a lot of fails here? Anyways, I dropped this one about 4 days in. I realized, doing one little thing a day didn't really make sense. Chores go faster when you knock out a few things at once. I'm sure I might do one chore a day depending on how you define a chore (which also was a problem point for me) but I'd rather just say, I tried to be more helpful in keeping the house in good shape overall. I also feel like Dan and I do a great job of dividing a conquering. There are some things he always does, some things I also do, and some bigger cleaning days where we each just dive into a bunch of tasks to get something done.

Weekly Doggy Walk/Hike/Run

This is another one that's hard to quantify but I'm sure I did it. I made a point, especially later in the year, to take Harley out as much as I could. Generally this was more than once a week. Dan and I also love taking the dog out once or twice over the weekend. I wish more of these were hikes but just getting all of us out to walk around the neighborhood is better than nothing.

Weekly Date

This one definitely fell off near the end of the year but I know that, in general, Dan and I are great about spending time together. Sometimes it just not always feasible to go somewhere and spend extra money. With that said, we still went to a lot of shows of beer tasting and festivals. We definitely don't just sit at home all the time.

Secret Goal

So, writing this all up, it feels like I punted on a lot of the goals I had for last year.... but there's a good reason for it! Most of my energy went into this goal... which was to get pregnant. Being in my 30s, and spending so much of my life trying NOT to get pregnant, made me a little worried that this would be difficult. I got a pile of books on lifestyle changes to help this happen and I put a lot of effort into researching everything... and it worked! It took a few months but I got pregnant in October and we're expecting a baby this summer!!

In relation to all of the goals above though (except the Spartan Race, we didn't start trying until AFTER because I knew pregnancy would affect my racing) - they all took a back seat to this. Hormones are crazy yo. Going off birth control was jarring to my system and it was difficult to adjust to all the normal hormones flowing back into my system. It was nothing compared to pregnancy though - morning sickness and fatigue definitely plagued my first trimester and it can be really hard to plan a date night or go on a hike or make Etsy listings when you don't feel good. I think anyone who is pregnant and already has little kids is a saint. I don't know how you balance it all. I was fortunate that working from home and not having other humans to take care of meant that I could focus on resting and feeling ok. 

This sounds like a lot of complaining but what I really want to say is that I'm very excited! I have always wanted to be a mom and when it seemed like our lives were in a place where we could support a child, I was anxious to get started. I have so many ideas and plans for this little one and definitely some blog posts to go along with it. 

As long as I'm feeling ok, you can expect a lot more blogging this year as we get ready for this big life change!