Nikki's Comicon 2017 Top Ten

Every year, I tell you that I'm going to write you a Comicon post and then some how it's magically December and it's closer to next year's Comicon and it's just not going to happen. The problem is I think too big. You know I'm wordy and with an event like Comicon there's just too much to write about.

Well, I'll show you Comicon!!!!

This time I'm just doing a Top 10 list. Disclaimer - some of these will kind of blend and repeat. While there are 10 distinct experiences, the pictures overlap occasionally.

Nikki's Ultimate Comicon 2017 Top 10 Best Things Ever

10. Star Wars Booth

I'd be amiss to not mention the whole reason we go to Comicon. Dan and I are lucky to be friends with the guy who coordinated the Star Wars presence at conferences and we get to work the Star Wars booth which gets us our passes. Being Star Wars and all, their booth is generally a large attraction in the convention and this year was no different. Our booth featured a large scene from The Last Jedi as well as some X-Wing Pilot costumes that were used in the film. It was really cool.

The highlight of working the booth though, is interacting with the fans. For the most part, people were friendly and gratious. My job most of my shifts was to take pictures for the fans who came to the booth. I got a great angle and became really efficient with my role. I also really liked it. My favorite were the people with fancy DSLR cameras. I hadn't really used one before but by the end of the weekend, I wanted one.

I also got to see so many cool costumes come through and a few times I asked if I could take their photo for myself as well. I loved seeing the cosplayers have fun mixing their characters with our scene.

9. Cosplay

I didn't really get a lot of pictures of Cosplayers this year but that didn't make their outfits any less amazing. Dan and I normally put together some amateur cosplay as well, but weren't able to this year. Knowing how much work it is to make our mediocre outfits, I always applaud the people who have really good ones. While I don't have any stand alone pictures of them, you can look above for some of my favorites from our booth.

Oh wait, here's an awesome K2S0!

8. SyFy's Everything

SyFy had a huge presences at Comicon this year. They often marched through the streets with a band giving out prizes. They had a pedal cart where you could do trivia. If your team won, you would each get $20. They had a puzzle room for the Expanse (which we did not try out). Lastly, they had a huge party where they rented out the Children's museum, gave out free beers and shirts, had a 90s cover band, and was hosted by Zachary Levi. The last one was what I had the most experience with and it was amazing. I'm not a big party person but every now and then I'm into it and I had a great time at this one. It was a perfect mix of things I love - friends, costumes, beer, bands, and Zachary Levi. Very fun time.

7. Recoil

Sometimes at Comicon, you get to test out a new product. For us, this was Recoil. We thought we were just waiting in line for a silly laser tag game, but we actually really loved the product. Basically, you have some laser tag type of guns and your cell phone is your screen for your game. It plays more like a real life first person shooter where you have to reload, collect ammo, regenerate, and can command air strikes. You play on teams and you have headsets so you can coordinate. We played on a small parking lot course but you can create your own boundaries and play up to a football field sized area. Could you imagine playing in a big park or through a quiet neighborhood? With so much distance and many natural obstacles, you could really have an awesome game. Anyways, needless to say, we destroyed the other team like 40-6 or something.

Dan and I are definitely interested in buying a set. The starter pack with 2 guns and the home base is $130 with additional guns ranging from $50-70 (depending on size/quality). Our feeling was that we'd totally buy the starter set if our friends get their own add on guns. Our group plays in so many leagues that cost $50-70 every few weeks and I like the idea of starting our own Recoil league and playing weekly with our own things instead. Friends - if you're reading this, buy a Recoil gun. Thanks!!!!

6. The Kingsman Happy Hour

Comicon has a lot of opportunities for free food and drinks. This year, it seemed like there was more than ever. One of those opportunities, was a daily happy hour put on by Kingsman 2. My friends and I went two of the days and we loved it. For a short wait, you got 2 whiskey drinks, a burger, a chance to win prizes, and lots of challenge coins. What's a challenge coin? Well, it stems from a military tradition where everyone would have a special coin. While they were out drinking, soldiers would slam their coins on the table. The last one to slam their coin has to buy the next round. We had a fun time playing the whole weekend, and even more fun knowing that many of our drinks were free so no one had to pay up. 

All in all, the happy hour was a fun and silly event. The movie is kind of a spoof on spy movies and it seems like the sequel is going to be even more silly so it was cool that they took the idea and just had a lot of fun throwing some great parties.

Even Halle Berry took part in the Kingsman festivities! .... just not with us

5. New Trailers

Here's something everyone benefited from - even if they didn't make it to the convention. So many movies dropped new trailers from Thor Ragnarok to Ready Player One. I could list them all but I'm sure you've probably already watched them all. I love that people know to look to Comicon for info on new movies and it helps make the event such a major part of the film industry.

4. Photo Ops

The last 5 could probably be inter-changable. They are ALL my favorite things about Comicon but I was able to barely place them into an order.

The Photo Ops are something Dan and I have loved every year. It's probably the reason I had so much fun at our booth - it was a giant photo op. We've always loved finding places to take fun pictures around Comicon and this year was no different. With how many things have long lines, being able to just take a quick photo is such a nice instant gratification and leaves you with a lasting memory.

3. Bladerunner

Like the Kingsman happy hour, this was an outside event (meaning no pass was needed to go) and it also featured free whiskey and food (literally the theme of Comicon this year). That's where the similarities end. While Kingsman truly was a happy hour, Bladerunner was an experience. For a scant 5 hour wait in line (we must have gone at a peak time), you got to watch a VR video that landed you in Los Angeles 2049. You arrive at the scene of a crash with futuristic police officers grilling you about what you saw.

If you survive that room, you move onto the downtown scene. There's an Asian restaurant, transvestites, fog, and a lot of lights. Frankly, it felt a lot like the Castro in SF to me. I loved it. In the downtown area you could get scanned to test if you were a replicant, get a free shirt from a vending machine, eat some free noodles, and try Johnnie Walker scotch (not really related to the movie, but they were the event sponsor). It was a long wait but it was such a fun experience that it was worth it. I heard the line for the experience without VR was shorter and in the future, I would have done that. The best part was the interactive portion and everyone got to do that.

2. Sharing it with My Friends

You're probably thinking, "Damn Nikki, your friends are #2? That's cold!" NUMBER 1 IS REALLY GOOD, OK? Ok great!

Every year a few of my friends come into town for Comicon and it makes the whole thing so much more fun. There are also a lot of San Diego friends who reach out and try to meet up. Imagine how fun all of the past numbers were... now imagine it with either friends you don't see often but love or with friends you see all the time but have never seen the wonders of Comicon. It all adds up to a super amazing fun time.

While I didn't get to meet up with everyone I tried to connect with, I appreciated the time I spent with the people who met up with us. Every year I put together a really organized calendar so I can maximize my time at the con. I was happy to share it with anyone who asked and I'm glad it helped them find cool events and also find me.

Having so many friends meet up at some point took it from a very fun event to a super duper amazing fun time with some of my favorite people.

1. Panels

In my opinion, getting inside the Con has two major perks. You get to buy exclusive merchandise and you can go to panels. Dan and I try not to buy a lot of stuff so we try to maximize our panels. The holy grail of panels are in Hall H. That's about a 24 hour line though and we've never been up for the sacrifice. Luckily, many of our favorite shows are in Ballroom 20 and the line is just a few hours.

Those same shows all ended in crazy cliffhangers so getting a first look at the show's new footage was amazing. Hearing the actors' thoughts on the crazy things that happened over their seasons was also really cool. I mostly just love seeing all the banter and friendships amongst the cast.

Sometimes - you get a really amazing moment at the panels you attend. Last year, the amazing moment was the cast of Flash singing and tap dancing. That moment led to a musical episode. This year, the moment hit much closer to home. A young girl asked Stephen Amell (the star of Arrow) if he will sell anymore shirts to raise money for cancer... as she was a cancer survivor. The room went still. He proceeded to ask her some questions and the end result was him giving her a personal necklace, a hug, and a kiss. I cried then and I cry now thinking about it. Recently losing a parent to cancer as well as both god parents, I know it's a tough experience. I can't even imagine a kid going through it. That's just absolutely terrible. I'm happy she's a survivor and I hope she doesn't come across it again in her future.

That clip is here if you want to see it for yourself:

So that's it! It was hard to limit myself to 10 and I had to move things around a bit, but I did it! I wrote about Comicon! I had an absolutely fantastic time. It's impossible to do it all and I know I missed some experiences - from the friends I didn't meet up with to the Westworld experience (seriously, Google it) to my endless pursuit to meet Nikki Bella. Lucky for me, there's next year and you better believe I will keep coming back for more as long as San Diego has this fantastic event.

Things I Learned About Life After Experiencing a Death

It's been over 3 months since I lost my mom. It's definitely something that consumes my thoughts most of the time, everyday. As such, I was asked to write an article about a life experience being a millennial and it was the only thing I could think about writing. The article ended up not being published but I put a lot of heart into it so I thought I'd share it here. I thought about going back and revising it since it's been a few weeks since my initial submission, but I decided to leave it be.

I have a couple of small points to add though that are mostly just more of what I've learned as time goes on. Mostly - my answer to "how are you?" is the same as it was week 1. Every day is different. Some days I don't struggle at all aside from the usual wanting to call my mom or having a dream with her (these are both almost daily occurrences). Other days will be bad. I'll get worked up about other people not appreciating their parents. I'll want to talk non-stop about my mom. I'll cry for hours. Grief is weird. Mostly though, aside from a few instances, I've tried to keep my grief private. I'm sure people expect me to act or have acted a certain way but the truth is that all grief is different. Without the person in my life that I would most like to grieve to (because it's the person I'm grieving of), I find internalizing it or sharing it occasionally with close friends is how I've dealt with it. I've also tried to really celebrate her life. We added a mantle to our fireplace which will be filled with pictures of my mom. I wear her jewelry and clothes. I share funny or touching memories and pictures of her. It helps her feel alive and keeps her close to me each day.

So yea, grief is weird. The article has my over-arching views on some of the things that happen when you lose someone. Everyone's experience will be different but I hoped to touch on things that might help others someday with their own loss or just in understanding others who are going through it.

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I recently lost my mom. Loss is hard on it's own but when you pair it with all of the things you have to do when you lose someone, it can be extra challenging. There are so many things I never even thought about when I considered what it would be like to lose a parent and I hope that passing on some of that knowledge will help others when they have to deal with that. There are also so many emotions to process. We don't talk about death a lot in our society so I wanted to share what that experience is really like.

Bereavement Is Not for Being Sad, It's Because There Is A Lot to Do.

I always thought bereavement time was to wear black and cry and not have to focus on work when you're sad. It can be for that, but there are also a lot of things to deal with when a person passes away. First, you need to deal with the body. Did they leave instructions? If not, you will need to decide if they will be buried or cremated. We had to make that decision and it was extremely difficult. I spent a whole day just googling the options.
Are you going to have a service? Will it be in a church or home or some place of importance? This one is also difficult because generally you have a funeral very soon after a death and some places may not be available. My mom passed away the week of Easter so we had to wait until after the holiday to have a service for her if we wanted to do it anywhere meaningful. You also only have a few days to put it together - order flowers, print pictures, make programs, spread the word, print an obituary. My brothers and I luckily were able to split the load easily and get a lot done but this can be really challenging if you don't have a lot of people to help. I can't even imagine what happens when you don't have some immediate family.
There are also so many other details that my dad handled. He ran around that week closing accounts and paying off bills. I've heard stories of people causing a fuss and demanding the death certificate when you try to close an account after death but my dad said he didn't face any of those hurdles.
The point is - there is a whole lot to do so no, bereavement is not sad time. My advice would be to use the internet, ask people, and don't do it on your own. People will always offer to help you when you've gone through a loss and this is a good place to direct some of it.

You Think About Possessions Differently

You acquire a lot of belongings over the course of a life. My mom loved stuff. She wasn't a hoarder by any means but she had an appreciation for beautiful things from all walks of life. She never had a distinct style, but her home is an amalgamation of art and items carefully curated over the course of a very full life. The problem is now those things need to go somewhere. My dad will definitely want to keep the home decorations in place for now and will use some of the stuff but the majority of items in his house are things he has no use for.
These things are really what I have left of my mom so I don't want to get rid of them. I am tasked with figuring out how this stuff will fit into my life and what I can do with it. As someone who does not need anything myself, I'm trying to find a balance between keeping my mom close but also not overflowing my house with things I can't possibly place. It will definitely be a process.
The way I'm planning on dealing with it is to slowly bring home things that I really like or have special meaning to me. I started with her jewelry and handbags which I took all of as they have more longevity and personality than normal items. I feel like her jewelry will be a good way to create a legacy where I can hand them down to my niece and any future daughters when they are old enough to appreciate it.
As for the rest, my brothers and I will have to slowly chip away at it. We know that we will have to deal with it one day and I think if we slowly try to do it now, it will be easier when we really have to find a place for it all. Stuff is hard though. I tried to look through my mom's clothes and it brought me crashing back to a time when she had enough life to wear sparkly jeans or steal my dresses and I had to close the closet until another day.

You Have No Idea How Other People Are Feeling

In the days after my mom's death, I was a much sadder and quieter shell of myself. I didn't really want to talk to anyone but I'd have to go out and get food and exist in the world. I wouldn't say that I was rude but I wasn't friendly either. I basically was just quiet, only said what I needed to, got what I came for, and left. Maybe I exuded sadness because no one asked anything or told me to smile or seemed put out by my lack of friendliness.  I think of all the times girls are told to smile and if someone told me that at that point in my life, I would have lost it. How dare you tell me to smile - you have no idea what I'm going through.
Despite this, I still need to be more mindful that others may be going through a hard time when they seem quiet or dramatic or less than friendly. On our way back from a trip I took with my husband shortly after my mom died, we were diverted and delayed because of a storm. Many people missed their connections and had to be put on late flights that were also delayed. We took the next available flight and just put up with the hours of waiting because it was better than fighting mother nature. We saw many people come up to the gate desk and just throw a fit because of the delays. I saw one older lady throw her bag and break down in tears and just thought "You're a grown woman, everyone is delayed. You are not seriously crying over this."
That lady then sat down nearby and started calling her family. Through the tears, I overheard some of her conversation. It sounded like someone back home had suddenly died and the only person around was a kid or teenager who didn't know how to deal with it. She was trying to get back to help them and pick up the many pieces after something like this happens. I felt like such an jerk. Hadn't I just gone through this? Shouldn't I know better than anyone that throwing a fit or being sad in public doesn't mean you're a bad person but maybe something bad recently happened in your life?
So, next time someone is less than great in public, it's worth thinking about what else they might have going on in their lives.

Grief Will Hit You at Weird Times

Obviously, I was very sad after immediately hearing about my mom's death. I basically slept two days straight and didn't want to talk to anyone and then we had to get to work preparing her funeral. Planning my mom's service gave me a sense of purpose and a way to honor her and it made it hard to be very sad. I barely cried at all the day of her funeral. In fact, one of the times I did cry was because after it all, I wanted to call her and tell her that my friends came and wasn't that nice of them? That's when I remembered that I couldn't. I'll never know what she thought about that.
That's more or less how it goes. I went to Europe on a cruise the week after her funeral on a trip that had been planned months in advance. While the escape was nice, it also gave me a lot of time to think about everything. My mom had said the last couple of Christmases that "next year" we would do a family cruise for Christmas so that no one had to throw a party. It was always "next year" because she was too sick to travel. I remembered this while on this cruise and realized that now there wouldn't be a "next year." She'd never get her family cruise.
And it goes on like that. Now that the dust has settled, it's much harder than that first week. My first actual week back home and working as usual had a lot of hard moments. I had called my mom almost every day for years. Sometimes we would talk for 5 minutes, and sometimes for an hour. I'd usually call her whenever work was slow or I was taking a break. Well, the first time I had one of those lulls at work, I thought, "I should call M-- oh, I can't do that."
The idea of future milestones without her is a nonstarter for me. I talk a lot about having kids some day with my friends because I'm the kind of person that likes to be ultra prepared. In one conversation, a friend was talking about breast feeding vs formula and asked which I was. I realized I didn't know and I couldn't ask anymore. As much as I'm excited about having kids some day, it's also a realization that every part of that experience will be something I won't share with my mom.

Fiction Is Really Bad at Dealing with Death

How frequently in a television show or a movie is death trivialized? A LOT. Some of my favorite TV shows deal with deaths of main characters all the time. Kind of. The problem is no one really dies. They can be resurrected or have a flash back or another version in an alternative timeline or dimension. If your favorite character dies in TV, it's ok, you'll be seeing them again.
That's not how death really works. It's permanent. With the way it's thrown around in fiction, it's really hard to grasp that. It's taken me a month to really start to feel that permanence. Up until now, it felt like she could have been on vacation. Well, the vacation is up and she's still not coming home. Television needs to respect us more by showing more realistic death - not re-visiting the characters in some form every now and again so we never really have to miss them the way we have to when someone really dies.
I recently watched a movie that I loved, which also dealt with a major character death. However, this time, they made it permanent. The main characters mourned, they had a funeral, other characters that were in conflict came together because the loss made them realize what was important. It felt more real. It was quickly overshadowed the next week though when finales of several of my shows killed so many characters you knew most wouldn't actually be dead. TV and movies do a real disservice by either making death into something not permanent or a killing spree. So few movies actually show how the loss affected the characters and it's really important to show since everyone will deal with it some day.

You'll Think About Time Differently

My mom was not super young when she died, but I still feel like she should have had so much more time. I look at people who are in their 50s and their parents are 20 years older than them and still alive and they're best friends and it makes me a little annoyed. I'll never have that. My mom and I only had a few years of that time when you're just friends with your parents because you're an adult and don't need to be raised anymore. We had so much we wanted to do from visiting restaurants she saw on TV to going on a big trip to Portugal to something as little as seeing the new Beauty and the Beast movie. We couldn't do any of it and it tugs at my heart to consider doing them on my own. I thought we had more time. I thought I was still in the "marriage and kids" part of my life, not the "losing parents" part.
I've always been the type of person to do as much in my life as possible. I've traveled more in the last ten years than most people ever do. I have a lot of hobbies. I truly live my life, but I still feel like I could make more of my time. I started trying to really embrace my downtime, stop putting off projects or making plans with people. It definitely means being really non-stop but who knows when our time will be? I definitely thought my mom should have lived another 20 years. Maybe we won't get as much time as we think we will - and I want to know that I did as much with my time as I could.

You'll Learn A Lot About the People in Your Lives

It's hard to know what to do for someone who is grieving. I had a friend lose a parent a month before I did and my first thought was "oh shit - how do I help them?" I offered any help I could to her and then I googled "what to do for a friend who is grieving." The answer is that it's really different for everyone. I bought her some flowers and checked in on her and reminded her she had my support and I gave her space. When I lost my mom shortly after, those are the things I needed most. I received such an outpouring of messages and flowers and love. It showed me how many people support me and also how many people loved my mom. I remember every single message I got - even if it was small. Even if I wasn't feeling like responding.
My life will always be different from the moment I got that phone call. My family is forever changed and so are my friendships. Friends are the family you choose. I've always felt that way. I had many friends really be an extra family to me and when I am able to, I will be that family back to them.
My mom had such a way with people. She would easily make friends with strangers and soon they would become friends and then family. As an immigrant, she didn't have a lot of family nearby and had to make her own. The result is decades of lasting friendships and more "aunts" than I can count. It's a skill I used to have but have been having trouble with lately. Now that my family is less whole, I need it more than ever.

You Will Re-evaluate Relationships

I've thought a lot about relationships since my mom passed away. It's made me appreciate my friends so much more. The amount of support I received was truly touching. I had friends come out of the wood works, friendships that weren't left in good places, to show support and it meant a lot to me. I also had friends that had gotten mad at me for petty thing, remain silent. It really confirmed for me that they were friendships worth losing.
I  think a lot about relationships with family friends. There were so many people that my mom connected and she was really my bridge to those family friends. I think a lot about how those relationships will be in the future without her connecting us. I hope that through Facebook and the addresses I have from my wedding, that will be enough but I know some connections will be lost and it hurts to think about which.
Lastly, I think about my relationship with myself. There's always some amount of guilt when you lose someone. Did I visit enough? Could I have made her feel more special? Why didn't I take more pictures? It's so easy to be guilty after a loss and I spend so much of my energy convincing myself that I did as well as I could.

You'll Remember What's Important.

Through this loss, I've had a profound reshaping of what's important to me. I just can't deal with little drama. All of that seems so insignificant in the big picture of things. I don't care if you're fighting - call your mom, be there for your friends, and support your family.
In that vein, my goal for the future is to remember the important things my mom taught me. She had such a way with people. She made friends with strangers. She made our family into a group of people who didn't have to share blood. She threw the best parties. She shared all of those traits with me and I hope to use them more in the future. I think at some point recently, I lost my way. I forgot how to do all of those things and it made me feel really disconnected. Through the mourning, it didn't get any better. Now that there's been some time though, I'm finding that again.
The point is - the people in our lives are the most important thing. My mom knew that. She always made time for her friends and hated excluding people. I want to take the best part of her and make it a key part of my life as well. As more time passes since I lost her, I see that the best way to remember her should be to embody the things I respected about her and forget the things I did not.

Just Do It June - 2017 Update #6

Another month has come and gone! June was a huge month for me. I "just did" so many new things or tackled pesky chores that had been lingering on my to-do list for months. I'm really loving the one-off resolutions and I think I'd also like to do some posts that circle back on some of the past ones. Some are building on each other nicely but even ones like Fabulous February have been in the back on my mind on a day to day basis.

Let's focus on June though! I finally started working part time as a Real Estate Agent in addition to my full time job and 7,562 hobbies. It was a really busy month but I didn't let that stop me from also holding that Housewarming party and taking care of some much needed chores. Both of those things had been lingering on my to-do list for almost 9 months. That's insane. This month was all about just tackling those to-dos and it really took a big weight off my shoulders.

Designated Date Time

We really haven't been as good about this as we were earlier in the year. We've basically ditched our weekly hikes and most "us" time has just been doing chores side by side or watching TV together. However - we have been better at sporadic evening walks. There's something so pleasant about summer nights and Harley loves when we go for a family stroll through the neighborhood. Whenever I'm not feeling too busy, I'll suggest it. Dan and doggy never say no.

Dan also realized that maybe we need some more fun activity time together and booked a surprise date for the end of the month. He had bought us tickets for opening night of a video game exhibit at the local science museum. We got to play Dance Central in front of a room full of people and Mario Kart on the wall of the planetarium. We also just played a bunch of retro and obscure games. It was really fun and I was so happy he wanted to get us tickets for something cool to do on our own.

We spent a lot of June hanging out with a lot of our friends. I'd been feeling really detached after being out of town for basically a month and really needed to socialize more. While it was fun spending time with people, that date night was a good reminder that we need to make time for each other too.

 Here are some shots of Mario Kart in the Planetarium. It's hard to see the game with the lights on but you can't tell the size with the lights off so I present both to you.

Stick to a Regular Fitness Schedule

This is the first time since before my mom passed away, that I really feel like I've gotten back on my exercise schedule. When your life gets derailed, it takes a long time to get things back on track. This has been about 3 months of trying to get one of my biggest priorities back to where it was and I feel like I only just got there near the end of the month.

But it feels so good to have some aspect of "normal" back. Last week, Dan and I finally made it back to an exercise class that we attend religiously every Thursday (it's even in a church!) for the first time in about 11 weeks. It felt right and like an important piece of me was back in place.

When you exercise, you get to be Katniss

We also had our races this month! I really wanted to feel like I was giving it my all but after 2-3 months of much less working out than is usual for me, that was hard. The night before the first race, we subbed into a kickball game as well. In an effort to show off, I definitely over-exerted a little and hurt my Achilles. I definitely don't feel like I was able to give the race my all, but somehow I still managed to come in the top 10 of non-competitive women. I'm excited for what that will mean for me when I am able to give it my best effort. Maybe it means I'll need to graduate to the competitive level!

This habit was a great example of Just Doing It. I went from working out two days a week to four days a week and that's more normal for me. I feel better, have more energy, and my muscle tone is coming back. I love seeing and feeling the little changes that remind me why I like fitness so much.

Meal Planning

I did the thing I didn't want to do. I turned some of my meal planning into meal prepping and it happened for the most natural reason - time management. I have a secret. I'm really bad at lunch. People assume that because I work from home, I have a lot of lunch freedom. Generally, I'm pretty busy until around 1-2 and then I'm picky about what I want to eat. By the time I get around to eating most days it's usually pretty late for lunch or I run out to buy something or throw together some snacks so I don't waste my appetite for dinner. While we usually have some leftovers, I don't really like eating the same thing several meals in a row. It's a super first world problem but with adding the real estate job, I really needed to fix this issue because I now had even less time in my day.

I still don't like the general idea of meal prepping - make a bunch of food on Sunday and eat the same meals all week. It continues the problem of being picky about eating the same thing for each meal.... and then it hit me. Why don't I take my leftovers and freeze them? Then I don't have to have the same thing every day. If I'm feeling picky, it's ok because I'll have built up a variety of lunches in the freezer so I'll have a choice.

This all came to me near the end of the month. I will still have the problem of limited freezer space BUT I've been wanting to pull the trigger on an extra storage freezer and this could be it. It will also give me a chance to make things like curries and spicy foods that Dan doesn't like - and keep them as freezer lunches for myself. I already bought containers and labels and I'm excited to start cooking and freezing big batches of lunches for myself.

Take an Annual Trip with My Husband

Doing the math, it seems unlikely we'll be able to take another big trip this year which stinks because the travel bug is biting really hard. Dan and I didn't take a lot of trips early in our relationship. They were mostly short, domestic trips. Since getting married, we've had two fun international trips and it reminded me how much I want to do and see. Unfortunately, we're both going to be grinding down to our last few hours of PTO after taking the rest of our time for weddings and Comicon. I'm glad this is a new habit/priority though and I can't wait until whatever we come up with for next year.

In the meantime, here's another picture from our trip to Europe!

Read a Book a Week

I only finished three books this month. It happens. This is why I had such a buffer built up - because I can't do everything. Starting in real estate is like starting your own business. I was also trying to get back on a solid fitness schedule and knock out a lot of things I'd been putting off. It didn't help that one of the books was a longer, slower read.

I have another super long book to read next month, but I also have some ideas. I'm on the road a lot more with this real estate gig so it's time to start listening to audio books again! I think that will really help me stay on schedule and get to my reading goal this year.

Me Time

This month was obviously busy for me. I was balancing so much more in terms of juggling two jobs, but there's something about stress that lights me up. I somehow managed all of that and tackled some big projects around the house. While that meant less me time, it was time better used. I was taking my time and putting it toward something bigger.

I read an article this month that felt really relative. It was 4 people under thirty and what they did to become millionaires before 40. The last was a young woman who said to invest in yourself. Use your time thoughtfully, invest in your ideas, and start your own businesses. It felt really in line with what I've been trying to do. So while "me time" is on the back burner for a little while, it's being invested and I hope it reaps some serious rewards down the line.

But that's not to say it was a total shut out. I mentioned doing a few races, and afterwards, I needed to recover. Sometimes that's taking a night off from the gym and taking it easy for a day. I made time for friends. I got back on my workout schedule. This is definitely a piece of the puzzle that needs to fit a little better going forward but this month was full of transitions for me so I'm confident I can carve out more me time when everything is all set. 

Just Do It June

The first day of June started the way many of my days do. I stayed in bed a little longer than I should have, asked Dan to make me coffee, and then opened my computer and started working - not really getting out of bed until I needed breakfast. It's a nice perk of working from home but it's also an easy way to get stuck in a rut and this month was about moving out of ruts, doing more. So - I decided to fix that. I spent my lunch break starting to organize my office. I spent my afternoon getting ahead on work projects and actually sitting at my desk. Whenever I had to wait for something to load, I used that time to multitask and get a little more organized. I'm a big believer that you need to set precedents for yourself and I wanted to have this first day of June set the example of how this month was going to go.

Always have a book handy

It's crazy how much we can do when we set our minds to it. I decided to keep my goals reasonable - I didn't want to stress myself out or create unreasonable deadlines. For example, I had been putting off hemming some curtains since we moved into our house 9 months ago. Finally, I got so annoyed with them dragging on the floor and not closing that I added it to my immediate to do list. I had four to do but I decided to just try to do the first two over the course of two days when I was less busy. I ended up doing all four within a couple of hours. I'd put off this task for so long but once I started going, I realized it wasn't that hard and it made more sense just to knock it all out while I had all the tools set up. It was a good lesson that sometimes things that we put off for a long time blow up in our minds as really difficult projects, but they actually end up being pretty manageable when we just sit down and do it. I'm also happy that I didn't tell myself it would take an hour and then stress out when it took a little longer. It's nice to give yourself more than enough time to do something and be pleasantly surprised when you can do it faster and have extra time for other things. On the flip side, the days where I made huge lists of things to do, I ended up feeling overwhelmed and struggling to cross anything off my list - I didn't even know where to start. Even re-reading this section is a good reminder that I need to pace myself and give myself reasonable goals, especially when I have so much I'd like to do.

I also have truly just jumped into this real estate career. It's unbelievable to me how quickly this ball has been rolling, but I love it. I signed my papers on a Saturday, had my orientation that Monday, and by Sunday was sitting at my first Open House. Real Estate is all about finding opportunities and jumping on them which fits really well with my personality. Even though it's only been a few weeks, I feel like I'm moving right along and creating good habits that will help me build this business. I'm excited about what my future holds.

---

Jigsaw July

At this point, you're probably wondering where I'm even coming up with these names. I'm not going to lie, it was really hard to think of another J word that fit what I wanted to do so bear with me. 

After June, I know that anything is possible. I started a second career. I finally had that housewarming party. I took on several projects that I'd been meaning to get to. I even finally went to the dentist. I just did it. I can just do anything... but that's the tip of the iceberg. Always "just doing" projects isn't sustainable. You need balance. June was about starting. It was about knowing things were possible. July is about fitting it all together, like a jigsaw puzzle (there it is!!!).

These monthly challenges are separate but cumulative so I really like that July builds off of June, which built off of May. I put my best effort forward, just went after my goals, and now I want to find the best way to balance my full time job, my entry into real estate, my fitness, my hobbies, my friends, and me time. It's a lot. There's a reason these are challenges, but the idea of these habits and check ins is to be constantly moving towards being my best self. 

A New Set of Adventures!

Ok blog world, it's here! I've been dropping hints for about a year that I've been working on something, and I'm finally ready to announce it. It's funny how time works. I thought I would be able to turn this around within a few months and I was on track to until life happened. Between getting caught up in beaurocracy, planning a wedding, and spending a lot of time with family - this got pushed back several times but we're here now and hitting the ground running.

So what did I do?

I got my real estate license!!!

I feel like I've really come full circle on this and I'm so excited to get started. I have loved houses as long as I can remember. I worked in a bookstore in high school and I used to always flip through Christie's Great Estates on my breaks. I'd think about the day that I could buy my dream home. It led me to start searching through the LA times real estate section and trying to figure out how I could buy my own waterfront mansion some day (I was a very ambitious teenager). I thought about pursuing real estate in college and after but my dad convinced me to think about different options and the market crash that accompanied my graduation from Berkeley, made that path impossible at the time.

Let's fast forward. I've always dreamed of starting my own business. About a year ago, I read an article that really solidified a lot of what I was feeling: the best path to wealth is by having a career that has unlimited upside. Aka - it's hard to get rich when someone tells you how much money you're going to make, and if you're a hard worker, it can be frustrating to have your efforts pad the pockets other people while making no difference to yourself. It summed up so much of what had been bothering me, and I decided to find this kind of job.

Around the same time, I was watching a lot of HGTV. I'd take Harley for walks on weekends and would check out all of the open houses. I started dream buying my favorite places in the neighborhood and searching on Zillow just for fun. It suddenly dawned on me, that maybe this was the path I should go down again? So I did a little research, and started taking real estate classes. I loved what I was learning and it really solidified that I'd made the right choice.

Now that I've passed my exam and gotten licensed, I'm excited to start working. I'm so happy, I also found a great company to work for. They support my interest in doing this part time and they also have so much training and amazing resources. They know that if I succeed, they succeed and vice versa. The also contribute a part of each transaction to charity.

So now I'm free to go off in the world (well, California) and help people buy and sell homes. I'd love if you could pass the word onto any friends and family who may be interested in more information about real estate. Here is my real estate website - definitely add your email to the neighborhood news section if you'd like to get updates on your local market. 

Nikki Lincoln
Realtor
Scripps Ranch
9988 Hibert St.
San Diego, CA 92131

Office: (858) 530-1100
Direct: (818) 406-5541
License: 02011015
Email: nlincoln@windermere.com
Website: http://nlincoln.withwre.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkilincolnrealtor/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nikkilincolnrealtor/

May 2017 - Check In #5

This was a shorter month for me. You're probably thinking "Nikki, May has 31 days. That is literally the longest a month can be." True - but since we came back from Europe on the 6th and needed some days to adjust, I really feel like getting back to our habits didn't start until about the 10th. That's also when I published the April post so if it helps, April had an extra 9 days and May was short those. That puts it under February so definitely a short month with lots to do!

It's funny though, even though it was a "short month," this has been the only post I haven't been writing as things were happening. I was so busy trying to do it all, I just crashed when it was done. Low and behold, I finally looked at the date, realized it was the end of the month, and figured I should write my update.

Designated Date Time

I'm still trying to figure out a better name for this section. Williams Adventures? Marriage Work? I don't know. I just know that really it's about the two of us (and Harley!) having a good time exploring San Diego and spending time together and having a certain time each week dedicated to that.

We really didn't do this one too well, and that's going to be a running theme of this month. While I definitely still think this is an important goal, we needed a month off. So much of May was spent doing everything - being there for family, getting back to normal life after the funeral and our trip, studying for my test, and finally catching up with friends we hadn't seen in two months. That's definitely a lot to balance along with a relationship and it was stressful at times but I honestly got home the night of my test and was a whole different person with that big burden gone.

It really made me think about the whole point of this goal - to build up quality time so that it was stored away for when we needed it. These past months have been full of stressful, difficult things that are trying on any relationship. However, I felt like we had this little piggy bank of quality time stored up and even though we couldn't make as much time for hikes and things while juggling everything else, it was ok because we knew how to get that back when we had time again.

At the end of the month, we did have the time for a hike but I was so sore from trying to get back to my gym schedule (more on that later) that I just didn't want to. We did other things instead though - went to an open house, ran errands together, and worked on the house. We also spent the whole weekend together and with friends. The whole thing is just a lesson on the different shapes quality time can take. It can be making your home nicer or going with the other person to do something they love or being together but with others.

Stick to a Regular Fitness Schedule

This was the toughest one of my goals. As I've said before, going to the gym is way easier when you are doing it with a friend. I climb twice a week with a friend and that was the easiest thing to add back to the schedule. I had been taking another class with Dan and some friends but none of them were able to make it this month and I decided to study instead of pushing myself. That basically was the trend - I skipped on my walks and other fitness just to buckle down and prepare for this test.

It felt good climbing for the few weeks of this month, but once my test was over, I was excited to get back to Body Pump. I knew that after two months off, I'd need to take it easy so I greatly decreased my weight. That wasn't enough though - I was so sore for days. My body taught me a lesson about taking too much time off from my fitness and I'll have to make sure to not make that mistake again.

Meal Planning

pictures of avocado toast without any avocado

I'm still not great about planning out our meals for the week and keeping my shopping list strictly there but I wasn't before so there wasn't much of a loss here. It did feel SO GREAT to be cooking in my kitchen again. After all the amazing eating in Europe, I was worried that I wouldn't want to cook again, but that was so wrong. Getting back into the kitchen really felt like coming home.

Ironically, the thing I missed the most was breakfast. While our lunches and dinners varied a lot on and off the cruise ship, breakfast was the same every day and very little of it felt like what I would eat at home (I don't really like pastries or cereal). I decided to really be better about making myself breakfasts when I got home. Really this meant a lot of avocado toast. On one of my shopping trips, I picked up a little sampler of brie and started making brie toast as well. It's probably my new favorite food.

We've also been back on our healthy eating kick. I go shopping and just try to get mostly vegetables. We've been grilling them and eating so many varieties and colors of produce. We started juicing a little bit because we heard ginger juice is really good for you. I'm still thinking about doing another eating cleanse like Whole30 again but for right now I'm enjoying just trying to eat really healthy each day.

Take an Annual Trip with My Husband

I don't think we'll be planing another big adventure for a little while. There's way too much to do in the meantime. I think the next big step will just be planning weekend trips to see friends and family and for weddings. Once those are all taken care of, we can re-organize and see where the money and vacation days stand and then see if we can go on another vacation before the end of the year. In the meantime though, we can look through all of our photos and remember what a great trip we had!

Also I have souvenir from our trip for you - blog posts! I took notes during most of our trip and I'm planning to convert those into posts in the near future. If you look back through the history of this blog, a lot of it was about my traveling adventures. I think it will be really fun to write about them again.

Read a Book a Week

I actually crushed this one. It was a good reminder that there are a lot of ways to read a book. I had my study guides that I finished. I listened to an audio book while on a drive to/from LA. I had kindle books and I got back into the library. I got 6 books down this month and that doesn't include the book I counted toward April. I'm halfway to my goal for the year and we're not halfway through the year. Yes, I'm a month ahead and it feels great.

As you'll read later on, May really was a great time for me to prepare and organize a lot of projects and dreams I have. Sometimes, you just read the perfect book for where you are in life. The last book I read in May, was that book for me. I read The Magnolia Story - the autobiography by the couple on Fixer Upper. I thought it would just be a cute little history of their lives but it was so much more. Obviously they are adorable and successful but they started so modestly, just tackling little projects and flips and opening side businesses with whatever they had. Sometimes I think everything I want to do is impossible but seeing someone else do it is so motivating. It came at the perfect time. Here's a link to my more official review on Goodreads if you want to hear more about it. 

Me Time

Almost done with another page!

Obviously studying doesn't allow for a lot of me time. It was great to finish my test and get back to that though. I grabbed a beer on my own at a brewery. I read some extra books. I've caught up on so much Netflix. I did more cross stitching. It felt so nice to take a week to catch up on myself in the aftermath of my test. Now that I've had a good week of relaxation, I'm excited to get to next steps of my master plan... and maybe make sure I still carve out some nice pockets of time for myself.

My Best Me May

This was purposely a really vague goal. I knew some things I wanted to check off, but mostly I just wanted to open the door to be a better version of myself. Maybe we all need to do that sometimes. I took my test last week and I passed! Being my best me also meant not just stopping with passing a test. Even though I needed a little time off, and took it, I also made sure I was taking the next steps. I'm hoping that by the next update, I'll be able to share big plans. If you've been paying attention, you probably have a good idea what I've been working on.

The rest of it was just about being a better person. To be clear, I don't think I'm a bad person, but sometimes we're all a little selfish or have some room for self improvement. So this was about doing the nice things you don't always want to do. It was about listening when you want to talk. It was about being polite instead of frustrated. It was about trying to do all of that and knowing you could still do better and giving yourself something to keep working on. I was still bad about making my bed though. 

my biggest cheerleader

On another note, I spent a good chunk of this year so far feeling really self conscious. This month was the first time I felt better about all of that. I'm realizing that doubting myself makes me into a person that doesn't feel like me. I also realized that all the stress I've been putting myself under has compounded and made the insecurities feel worse. It's been nice to let a lot of that go. This past weekend - with the test done, and my head in a better place, I felt the most like me that I have in months. I spent time with friends and didn't question everything I was doing and saying. I talked with strangers and didn't think about how to sell myself to them. I realized that maybe I've come through some difficult times and I'm in a better place. 

A lot of this had a lot to do with my mom. She was always so confident and made friends wherever she went. A lot of our "family" in LA are actually various friends she's made over the years. If there was something I admired most about her, it would have to be that. It was a trait I felt that I had as well until lately. I wanted that feeling back and I decided to just take it. I also realized that being a friendly or welcoming person doesn't mean being perfect or being walked all over. I've learned that some people don't appreciate that kind a friend and that was contributing too much to my self confidence. I know that if my mom were here, she wouldn't want me to be a doormat and that's really helped me come back into my own - that thought that there are always going to be people that make you feel terrible and that shouldn't for a second stop you from being who you are for everyone else.

Just Do It June

My planner is also a reminder of all the work to do.
Luckily, it helps me organize my crazy brain and keep on track!

When I think of "Just Do It" I obviously think of Nike and fitness and that was originally the idea here. I have two races in June - one more serious and one more fun - and I wanted to really push myself. Even though I've done a ton of races, I always feel like I could have pushed a little harder. While I'd still like to do that, that's not the main goal here anymore. For starters, I've had a whole lot of trouble getting back on my fitness routine after the time off. I also just have so many more goals that I want to make sure I just do.

As I'd said before, May was really a short month for me but I feel like I did so much. I'm at a place where it feels like so many things are beginning and have a lot of potential. May got me at that place and June is where we tackle it.

It's weird to be here at this time in my life and it goes back to a point I made last month about dealing with loss-it can break you or it can make you stronger. My mom always expected the best from me because she knew I could do it. She knew about all these plans that I have now and she always said "why are you wasting time, just do it." Maybe not in those exact words - but that idea. A lot of what I'm working on now has been in progress for over a year and it kept getting delayed because of life and stress and maybe a little laziness. She always pushed me to keep on track and not get distracted, to follow through. I think I'm doing my best me by channeling all of my energy or grief into my projects. Some are fun things too like getting a Housewarming party on the calendar - another great way to honor my mom is by following her example as the best hostess ever. All of this, everything I'm doing, is for her.

April 2017 - Check in #4

After the last one, I can't even imagine writing a post about something as silly as habits. My original plan was break up this post between the time before our trip to Europe and after it - figuring that obviously we wouldn't be following our habits while in Europe. Little did I know, a much bigger event would occur - the death of my mom would change the flow of all of my day to day habits. So, I guess this will really be broken into life before everything happening (my mom passing, the time spent with family, and of course, our trip to Europe) and after everything. Since I'd already written many of the "before" parts as I was going through them, it feels really accurate to keep the feelings I had then versus how I am now.

Family Time

Before Everything

I already knew April was going to be a bust for this one. We had our trip coming up and busy weekends up until then. The first weekend in May, we traded our family hike for a bike ride with friends. Dan had to work part of the weekend so I took Harley to the beach the other day. While we all got out of the house in some way or another, it wasn't quite the same and sometimes that's ok. If you're pushing a goal so much that you're missing out on other things, then that's not great either.

The following week we had a friend in town and had a race and brunch that took place of the hike. My friend and I ran the race while Dan and Harley cheered us on. While it wasn't the same as a family hike, we did what we could while balancing our other plans.

After Everything

The idea of family time just including Dan and Harley seems so faulty in perspective of losing my mom so I think it's good to remember what I meant by this. Obviously, all family is important and I really feel that I made an effort to see my mom quite a bit in the past year (and of course, I could have gone more too). In the time after her death, I spent about two weeks in LA with the rest of my family - my brothers and my dad and that was very important time too.

So it feels wrong to call this goal family time anymore. I'll have to think about what the right word is so for now, I'll describe what I meant.

In the time just after our wedding, I felt disconnected from a lot of my friends. The ones who were visiting went home and the ones who lived here were busy with their own lives. I had someone tell me this feeling is normal - everything is about you for so long that after the wedding you feel this missing and it's somewhat true - people want to focus on themselves and their other friends for a while. As someone who is really social, this made me feel really sad and lonely, but I was a newlywed and there was no reason to feel this way. Instead of trying to fill all my free time with my friends, why not fill it with my husband? So I decided it was important to carve out some time each week for him and to do something together to build that habit and remember that our marriage and our relationship is so important and needs to last even when friendships are faulty or kids are annoying or any of life's obstacles happen.

The real reason for this goal then, was to strengthen our foundation becuase the time after you get married, things are good, but so much can happen in life. When my mom passed away, I really needed Dan to be there. We had this huge hurdle so early in our marriage and it's effect on me causes strains on a day to day basis. That's why it's important to be strong together when things are good - you need that base to help you when you lose a loved one, when you have kids, or when any other thing that could go wrong, does.

Stick to a Regular Fitness Schedule

Before Everything

weight on, stress off

Despite being crazy busy, I still tried to stick to my workout schedule. If I had a free day or my workout partners couldn't make it, I would take a break as well and study. However, I tried to not miss if I didn't have to and believe me, I wanted to some days.

When you are stressed and tired - it's easy to want to drop your routine and just get your shit done but man, did I feel better after working out. One day, I was so close to just not going but I decided to make it a game time decision. I had a shot of coffee and made a smoothie and dressed to go to the gym... and that was enough to get me into it. I went and I had a great workout and it was just the stress relief I needed. Afterwards, I was able to go home and get back to studying with a clearer head.

It may seem counter-intuitive to do more when the thought of how much you have to do in so little time makes your head explode, but taking a break helps your brain reset and having my breaks be something good for me made it feel like it wasn't a waste.

After Everything

The news of my mom passing away was obviously a little shattering. While some people might throw their emotions into working out at a time like this, my muscles all felt like jello. I didn't want to be completely inactive though and went for a walk most days so I was doing some sort of exercise. Can I just say how much I love walking? Even thought my legs were shaky the first few days, it was such a good release. When I walk or run, it's really thinking time for me. I wanted to be sad those first few days and I would walk and I would tear up and it was really therapuedic for me.

By the next week, I was feeling better but we were now days away from our trip and I just couldn't find the time. However, while it Europe, Dan and I walked SO much. According to my watch, we walked about 100 miles in those 2 weeks. Honestly, even though we're in really good shape, my legs hurt by the end of it. If you ever need an excuse to workout - travel. I feel like traveling was so much easier since we were in shape. All the walking, all the stairs, all the hills, all the suitcase lugging - it was so much easier than it could have been. Walking instead of cabbing also saved us money AND helped us justify those extra courses during our cruise ship dinners.  I also hit the gym a couple of times during our "at sea" days but it definitely wasn't up to my usual standards and I know I'll have a lot of work to do now that we're back.

Here are the first of many steps we took to get up to the Campinile in Florence so yea, we weren't really slacking despite being on vacation!

Meal Planning

Before Everything

Meat and veggies!!!

Since Dan and I have crazy fitness goals AND we were going on a vacation that might have some swimsuit time, April felt like a good time to clean up our act. We usually eat pretty healthy but we'd also been stocking up on more ice cream and treats. We decided this would be a good time to rein it in a little and go back to cleaner, meat and vegetable focused meals.

I also saw new clean eating challenge that is being put on by the makers of my favorite fitness class. It started a few days before our trip which felt like not the right time to go on a diet but I think we might try it next month. It also provided me with some new recipes and meal ideas. While we aren't doing it quite yet, I've been trying to steer our meals in that direction and just going crazy with the amount of veggies I'm buying and cooking.

After Everything

Eating is weird when you lose someone. I didn't have an appetite most of the time so I just wouldn't eat and then eventually I would get SUPER hungry and have to eat immediately (while still not having much of an appetite) which led to lots of eating out and fast food. Obviously, if you read this, that's not normal for me. After a few days, this evened out thanks a lot to my brothers. They took charge on the meals and I would pop in to help when they gave me something to do since I wasn't feeling my usual cooking passion.

Not really a meal plan but we ate WELL

I decided to just completely let go of any restrictions while we were in Europe. We were on a cruise and walking so much and the previous weeks had been so hard - I just wanted to enjoy our trip. And I did! We ate so much and so well. We basically had a 4 course meal every night for dinner and amazing lunches while we were in the ports as well. I don't think I've had dessert so many consecutive days before ever.

In the days that we've been back we've been trying to re-adjust to our normal eating. Obviously, it's much lower calorie than we had been eating so I feel like I'm getting hungry all the time. I'm trying to balance between giving in and eating regular meals but I know easing off the sugar and richness from the cruise meals will be an adjustment.

Take an Annual Trip with My Husband

Before Everything

I have a really bad personality trait - I don't usually trust people to do something for me that I know I can do really well myself. Planning trips is one of those things. There's really only one person I've let take the lead on planning my vacations and she wasn't coming with us on this one (although I did copy her itinerary for a city on our trip that she'd recently been to) so it was up to either me or Dan.... and I had a test to study for. I realized I was going to need Dan's help a lot.

And he did an AMAZING job. His schedule isn't as flexible as mine so he broke up the planning and decided to do a city at a time whenever he had the free time. He did a ton of research and mixed in with some recommendations I got, we went into the last leg of our planning together and made some great lists and maps for our trip.

After Everything

Obviously we took the trip! It's really the biggest trip we've taken as a couple in terms of time gone and distance traveled and stress encountered. I'm happy to report that it did not drive us to an early divorce (although there may have been some jetlag induced squabbling). Really though - it made us think about other trips we want to take and how we want to take them. I'll address this more in another post but we had some thoughts about the best ways to travel that we realized while we were traveling.

Anyways, we both started making lists of trips we want to take and what makes sense to trip to do in the immediate future, what we think we could do with little kids, and what might have to be shelved for a while. I like the idea of having a list of several things we really want to do and here's why: travel costs are so finnicky. One day there might be a deal to India and the next to South America. I think being flexibile and locations and timing could help us go some cool places on a discount. We had a really cool trip to Europe but we wanted to go specific places in a specific timeframe and we paid for it. Our next priority is more "see as much as you can" and we can be more flexible which will allow us to do more.

Read a Book a Week

This one doesn't really make sense to break into before and after... The good news is that this was a mission accomplished. Technically, I only read 4 books but I finished the 5th just after the beginning of May and on vacation, time doesn't really count.

Honestly though, I thought I'd do better here. I had a lot of trouble concentrating on reading just after my mom passed away but the library helped out there. I had a couple of books that had to go back by a certain time and since I was in San Diego so little of the month, I really had to get it done. While on vacation, I didn't finish as many books as I felt like I was reading. I finished two books and am partly through three others (two for one, and one study guide that I abandoned through everything) so maybe that's it also. I'm definitely going to finish my fun books before I dive back into studying though so hopefully I'll have at least 3 books to add for May but really I better do more than that.

And I bet you're wondering why I'm still studying. Wasn't my test planned for last month? Well, yea, it was. It was scheduled for the day after we ended up having my mom's service. That's just about the worst time to take a test. The good news is that it wasn't a firm "once a year" type of exam and I was easily able to push it back a month. I haven't picked up that study guide in the last month since my mom passed away but now that I'm easing off of the jet lag, it's definitely time. It basically gives me a week to get back in the study mind set and then the same week of crunch time that I would have had. I'm definitely having trouble getting back into it and part of me feels like I should push it back some more. Luckily, I always have that option but I really feel like I need to just do this thing.

Me Time

Before Everything

Studying for an exam and planning a huge vacation meant zero me time. It actually meant negative me time. What does that mean? It means I realized there weren't enough hours in the day and decided to make more... by sleeping less. I started setting my alarm an hour earlier, staying up later, and drinking more coffee. I liked to pride myself on getting a full night's sleep, but something has to give when you're trying to do it all.

Actual Picture of me in April

After Everything

I think a cruise is entirely composed of me time. In hindsight, I kind of wish I brought my study guide or some video games or something. There is so much downtime on a cruise, especially without a beverage package. It felt really weird to just relax, but I think I really needed it. I was definitely burning the candle at every end in early April and then that just exploded when my mom died. The little focus I had after that went to planning her service and the rest of my time I just wanted to sleep. The vacation really came at the perfect time to just not have anything I needed to do.

Being back at work and just out of the jetlag, I'm noticing the benefits of taking some time off. In the weeks before I left, issues at work were feeling hazy and I was having trouble wrapping my head around things. Now that I'm back, I'm feeling more creative and ambitious in the way I tackle issues at work. It feels like some time off was exactly what my brain needed.

Unplugged April

Before Everything

I feel like I had been working on a good compromise here. All the time I spent studying really took me away from social media as much as I'd been checking it before. I probably could have separated more though but early in the month was supposed to just be gradually working up to not having cell service on my trip.

After Everything

If I was addicted to my phone before, it really got worse after my mom passed. I did receive a lot of phone calls, texts, and messages which definitely was part of it, but really I just hid in internet world for a while. I found it hard to concentrate on anything serious like reading or studying so the fluffy distracting world of the internet was perfect. I was extra glued to my phone and I needed that escape.

So the trip really was needed even more. I definitely wasn't going to spend the small fortune it would cost to stay connected full time but we did have to ease into it. Almost every cafe in most of Europe has free wifi so our first stop would usually be an espresso and some internet time. It was nice to have to limit our internet to short bursts throughout the day. It also meant I was really just reading texts, messages, and quickly going through emails. Dan and I also found that Facebook and Instagram would download a little bit of the feeds so we could check them when we were bored later on the boat and our likes would send back when we were connected again. It would only do like the top 10 posts but it was nice to kind of save a little bit of it for later.

I don't really feel like I learned anything here though. Once we got internet again, I was as connected as ever. I still feel like I need a lot of distractions and it's still my safe escape. I definitely need to build better habits to disconnect more.

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My Best Me May

This goal had been my plan from the beginning but I think it's more fitting than ever. I think that when you experience a loss, once place to go is to get angry or let yourself fall into bad habits. Luckily, I've never dealt with loss that way. I don't know what happens after we die, and I've always felt the possibility of our loved ones "watching over us." Maybe they are, maybe they aren't, but, just in case, I'd like them to look down and be proud.

This goal was originally meant as more of a way to get back on track after the vacation but it also is fitting that I don't want to lose sight of my goals and the things my mom encouraged me to do. She lived her life SO HARD and I want to keep doing the same. So this goal is really a lot of little goals - passing my test and working on my next projects, training for my races, keeping up with all of my habits, and of course, making my bed each morning (in case Mom is watching).

It might feel that with all my other goals, this one is hard to wrap my head around and I feel that too. Sometimes I feel like it made more sense when my other goals were still on track, but maybe when we get a little off course, we need to remember the goal more than ever. It almost has a "Happiness Project" feel to it - remembering all your past goals as you keep making new ones.

May is also the month I turned 31. Last year, I wrote the post about the 30 things I learned before turning 30 and after this year, I feel like I could write another 30 things I learned in the past year. This is about remembering those lessons and continuing to grow and that's really the goal for May.