2013 Resolutions Revisted

About 5 years ago, I was going through a big change in my life and at a crossroads, I decided to make a list of some goals I had for myself. I'm the kind of person who, throughout the year, thinks of great Halloween costumes or New Years resolutions and then forgets them when the holidays get closer. I decided that year that I would keep track of my goals as I went along and on NYE, I posted a Facebook note with my resolutions for the next year. 

The result was amazing - having my resolutions in a public place made me feel accountable to them and I made sure to update throughout the year with my progress. All of my resolutions were completely realistic and while I didn't get 100%, I'd say it would be have been a B+ at least. The next year, I didn't do any such thing and I don't even know what my resolution was or if I even had one. The year after, in the midst of another change, I started my first blog and the resolution list became an annual post. Now that I write here, I thought I'd share that with you. 

The first resolution post is always a look back at my past year (and is actually something I slowly write during the course of the year because this is a journey not a finish line). My original 2013 resolution post is here. The big take away is that I realized after so many years of resolution lists - they started to look the same. There were so many that by nature were easy to try to do every year (travel somewhere new for example) that they were just tacked on there. I also realized that 2012 was my worst year for following my resolutions after traveling so much in 2011 . I decided to par it down and focus on one that I needed to do... be selfish.

I always felt like I needed to be in defense of this. It sounds terrible, right? Being selfish? For me, I just wanted to be better at saying no to things I didn't want to do, making time for myself, and not feeling so obligated to everything and everyone. As a single woman in my twenties, I shouldn't have felt like I was stretched so thin, but I did. I needed to fix this. Obviously, I would still try to be a good friend and be there for people or attend major events but I didn't want to feel as though I had to be at every single thing. I had people tell me it was a terrible idea and others who thought it was about time. 

A lot of the time, I forgot about saying no. Every now and then though, something would come up that I just did not want to do and the sense of obligation burned inside me... and I would remember my resolution and decide to do what I really preferred. There were some exceptions to this of course. I know some times being there for your close friends is more important and I made sure to do that when I needed to also. However, most of the time, just playing "if they were in my shoes" gave me more than enough reason to follow through on my selfish resolution. Every now and then I would stop and think "Did I alienate some people with my selfish maneuver?" The answer was almost always no. When it wasn't, a nice phone call or apology or clarification almost always cleared it up. 

Ironically, even without my big list of resolutions, I ended up doing a lot of the things that would have been on it: travel somewhere new (South Africa, Boston), do something adventurous (paragliding), read more books than the year before, pass an exam, figure out a workout schedule, eat better, take control of my romantic life (this is a more complicated thing in itself but I learned it was time to cut out people and situations that weren't good for me), be closer with family, be nicer, etc. The problem wasn't needing a list to get things done, it was needing the state of mind to put myself as a priority. To visit a country or city I'd been wanting to go to for years, to feel like I could do whatever I want without needing someone to hold my hand, realizing I wanted that anyways, not continuing to chase dead ends, letting go, and making decisions about my life that make me happy - because when it comes to that, no one else's opinions matter. 

This year led to me growing in ways I never thought possible. When I started this year, I said that I was in a better mindset then I ever had before but I still felt burnt out and like something didn't click. A year later, I have a much healthier career path, the best friends ever, a fantastic opportunity to combine my loves of writing and wine tasting, and amazing memories. 

What I Read Last Month (November & December 2013)

One thing about my writing is that I feel like I need to write an introduction to everything. I'm pretty sure if I just starting listing books and reviews, you guys would know what was going down. That's not how this is going to work though.

I've recently noticed that I have an interesting problem. Despite having an entire wall of my apartment be bookshelf, I seem to be running out of space for my books. This is an interesting problem because most of my books are on my Kindle. I have a lot of books, paper or digital. Of course, there are other things on the bookshelves (mostly wine) but still, quite a few books. I'm sure you'll probably ask why I don't just put things on those top right 3 shelves. Well, readers, I'm not very tall. I'm perfectly average height and it turns out those shelves are more than an arms reach above my head. "But Nikki, there are other books on the top shelf..." Yea, I'm probably not going to read those. I'll need to figure out my space management because I've recently discovered that as much as I like buying Kindle books, they're usually $10 and used books are like $2. I'm no Economist - oh wait, yes I am - but I know a deal when I see one. Anyways, I wrote some things about books!

I decided to merge November and December because I didn't quite get around to writing the November post so this is more of a "best of" list!

Ender's Game

This book has been on my peripheral ever since Freshman year of High School when the school showed us all how to use the library and recommended some books we all might like. My interests were a little different then and my first thought was "Ew, space" and decided to rent a book about a ballerina with anorexia. 

10+ something years later I saw the movie trailer and was like "Oh, that actually looks pretty good - well, better read the book first." Even though Boyfriend was saying for months that he wanted to see the movie when it came out, I started it on release day. 

I actually really liked this book! The battle room scenes were really cool and I was really looking forward to how they would portray them in the movie. Some of the descriptions were a little tough to understand so knowing that I would soon be able to visualize them was really exciting. 

The twist at the end was really interesting. It seems like the other Ender's books will be pretty different so I'm not sure if I'll read them or not. Boyfriend says I should at least read Ender's Shadow as it is the same story from a different perspective. I think I need a little break from serious books but this might be a good one to come back to when I'm done reading silly books.

Wild

When this book was pitched in book club, the selling point for me was that it was written by advice columnist "Dear Sugar." I remembered finding one of her quotes and falling in love with it. It went:

"Love is the feeling we have for those we care deeply about and hold in high regard. It can be light as the hug we give a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorrow, stoked by sex, sullied by abuse, amplified by kindness, twisted by betrayal, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor and 'loaded with promises and commitments' that we may or may not want or keep. The best thing you can possibly do with your life is to tackle the motherfucking shit out of it."

I found that quote years ago when I was heartbroken and in a bit of a tough time. The ideas behind it really helped me and were a large part of the original foundation of this blog (doing a new thing each week). Even though the topic of the book didn't excite me, I had a feeling that someone who could touch me so much with a single quote would probably be able to write a damn good book... and I was really, really right.
Cheryl's story actually begins with the loss and heartache she feels when her mother unexpectedly dies of cancer. This loss shatters her life and causes her to make a plethora of bad decisions that lead to drug addiction and divorce. She knows she needs to do something to pick up the pieces and when she sees a guide book on the Pacific Crest Trail, she decides that she will hike a stretch of it through California and Oregon (the full trail goes from Mexico to Canada).
As an inexperienced backpacker, she faces many mishaps along the way, but her struggles and experiences along the way help build her into the person she is going to become, the kind of person that writes an advice column with quotes that help others move through their own struggles.

Batman: The Killing Joke

After I got over my "wow that was a lot of dark books" phase, I decided to read this comic in between a couple of full books. I knew it would be dark and touch on a lot of uncomfortable topics, but it was definitely more disturbing than I had thought it would. For some background - I knew going in that it would involve shooting someone in the spine leading to paralysis and hints of possible rape... and I found it more disturbing than I had imagined. Basically, don't take this one lightly if it's one you want to read. I was reading it on my phone on the train and I was worried someone would see my screen and think I had some serious issues. 

What I did really like about it though was that it gave a Joker origin story. Although he's had many before and frankly, the best Jokers have no background, it was still fun to read his via flashbacks. It was even more fun when he admitted that it was only a possible background and he likes to change them. 

Although the comic was dark and disturbing, as a big Batman fan, I'm glad I read this pivotal comic and I'm looking forward to reading some more of them. 


Other books I read:
Hyperbole and a Half
Good Omens
Mr. Penumbra's 24 Hour Book Store

What I Read Last Month (October 2013)

There is really no reason I couldn't have had this post ready on November 1st like a functional human being. I even managed to finish the last little bit of a book on November 1st just to really make this a perfectly rounded out even post where all the books were finished at the end of the month and I didn't have to say "I'm in the middle of this book so I can't really review it because it's not finished." Nope, everything was finished with a neat little bow on it. Instead (even though this post is mostly just summing up my reviews from Goodreads), life happened. To sum things up, I've been incredibly distracted the last two weeks. Not so distracted that continuing to march along in my aggressive book reading goals, but much too distracted to write anything here or at Simple Hedonisms. Nothing bad happened, but basically I waiting for some news. That news has come and gone and now that I'm not refreshing my email every 32 seconds, I can actually focus on living my life.

And living my life means writing things! Specifically, at this moment, writing things about books! Since I realized that I suck at my 36 book Goodreads goal, I basically have to read 5 books a month just to break even. In October, I actually read 5 books! And some were long! I guess a three hour commute is good for something.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavelier and Clay

I'd continually been hearing for about a year how amazing this book was. When I found out it was about two young guys who start their own comic books, I knew I had to pick it up. I wasn't expecting how much more it would be. While centering around comic books the book also heavily involves the holocaust, ww2, sexuality, family, and a number of other issues. My only criticism of the book would be the lengthy back stories and exposition which was sometimes a little slow. However, all of these tied together to make the book a complicated and fascinating story.

The Circle

I've always been a big fan of distopian future novels and this one definitely fell into that vein. It's interesting to take a step back and look at what could happen with technology in the not-to-distant future and it's important to have books like this that keep us aware of these things, especially in a context that's so tangible.

My biggest problem with the book was the believability of the main character, Mae. At first, she seems like a pretty standard millennial who is excited to have a new job at a prestigious company but her naivety is grating and continues to get worse through out the book.

Lost Cat: A True Story of Love, Desperation, and GPS Technology

Shannon gave me this book to borrow and said it would be a cute read for any cat owner, plus it took place in San Francisco. I thought after a couple of 500+ page books, this would be a nice way break before starting another long book. For the most part, it was pretty funny. The author was definitely a neurotic cat owner but really... aren't we all? However, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows and reading this book on the train was probably a bad idea as I was trying desperately to not cry and be "that person." It's a short book so I recommend reading it cuddled in bed with your kitties. If you don't have kitties, I would suggest reading something else because you probably won't get this book.

Batman: Year One

You might be thinking, "Hey Nikki, comic books aren't book! That's cheating and no way to reach your goal of 36 books in a year!" To that I say: if it's on Goodreads, I count it as a book therefore, comic books are books. Also, they're much easier to read on my cell phone than actual books and three of the books I read this month were really long, and just about everything was dark and made me want to curl into a ball and cry so just let me have this one, ok?

The Casual Vacancy

Well, that wasn't what I expected... I knew it wasn't going to be an adult book but really was not expecting it to be so very much not at all appropriate for children. While I knew the the book centered around election to replace an empty council seat, I figured the adult tones would focus more around political dealings. However, it crossed into so many more serious topics (which I won't list because I think the shock is part of the reading) than that. The characters are also very complex and more realistic than normally found in fiction. No one character is really all that good and they range in varying shades of grey. At first, this realization upset me because there wasn't anyone to cheer for but it made sense that these characters were acting more like real people who sometimes do bad things but aren't necessarily bad people (and some who actually just are bad people). My biggest criticism is that you meet about 15 characters in the first ten pages and it's really difficult to keep track of them until further in the book. It would have been more helpful to spend a little more time with each family to understand their context better.

What November is Looking Like

Since we're already pretty into the month, I basically know how this is going to look. I've already finished Ender's Game because Boyfriend really wanted to go see it so I finished it and we went to go see Thor because that's how life works sometimes. Anyways, after reading 6 dark or sad or philosophical books in a row, I was about ready to hide under my covers with many bottles of wine and never see the sunlight so instead of starting The Lost Symbol, I solicited ideas for some happy books. Right now I'm reading Good Omens and Geek's Guide to Wolrd Domination. Hyperbole and a Half is also supposed to arrive today and Shannon let me borrow Mr. Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore. So I think after those 4 happy / silly / funny books, I should be able to tackle the real world again and read something a little more serious. I also have The Killing Joke on my phone right now but I may put that one on hold because I know how it ends and it's not really the sunshine and rainbows story that I'm looking for right now.

This whole book goal is feeling very tangible! It helps that as of last week, I'd read as many books as I did this year. I know that the holidays are a great time for reading because when you want to hide away a little bit from people, no one really seems to get mad if it's with a book.

Fall TV in Review

My new job has me watching a lot of TV and movie trailers and for the first time in years, I had a long list of new shows to watch this fall (and a few old favorites) and I figured I'd let you know how they fared. Last year, I did something similar for Arrow vs. Beauty and the Beast and ended loving one show and never watching the other again. This season I had more to check out... so what'd I think?

The Blacklist
This was my favorite promo of the whole bunch of new shows and has delivered so fully that it just makes me shiver in excitement when I think about this show. It delivers in every regard. I am biased to strong female lead and James Spader's Red challenges her in every way. The set up is ideal in my opinion - a series of self contained stories that tie overlay a broader story full of potential character development. Anyone can tune in to a new episode, see another person from "the list" and not need a lot of back story but continuous watchers benefit from seeing Elizabeth Keen grow stronger, smarter, and more suspicious. This show continues to get better with each episode and I'm so excited to see where it goes.

Hostages
My thoughts after this preview was that it would make a great movie or mini-series but it's going to be too drawn out as a TV show. The premise of Hostages is that a surgeon's family is held hostage the night before she is to operate on the President and they will be killed if the POTUS survives the operation. It's an interesting concept and a strong cast but three episodes in and I'm definitely still wondering how this will make a full series much less a season. I hope they figure it out soon though because the back story of the kidnapper in particular is really great and the show, in general, is interesting to watch.

The Crazy Ones
I added very few new comedies this Fall. The dramas just seemed so much better but now that I work in advertising research, watching a comedy about an ad agency seemed to be a good pick. The show overall is very funny but is definitely dominated by Robin Williams. It's clear that he improvises a lot of the jokes which makes for an interesting dynamic. I would say that your interest in this show will be completely dictated by how much you like Robin's style of humor.

Once Upon a Time
This one is having a high and low start for me. With most of the extra cast cut out, I would have hoped that they would have allowed the rest to shine in the way we've seen in the past. Specifically, I'm having problem with Regina focusing solely on magic and her villainous side when we've seen some much more out of that character. One of my favorite parts of the show was how the line between good and evil was so blurry with Regina frequently showing that she genuinely has love in her heart. I would have thought that in trying to save Henry, she would have softened a bit, especially after just saving Storybrooke. Charming is also leaning too far too his self-righteous side. On the positive side though, I'm happy that they're finally addressing Emma's history and the trouble with spending 28+ years as an orphan and in what better place than Neverland, home of the lost "boys"? I think Snow's reaction to this is appropriate as well - finding the balance between realizing you weren't there and finding a way to make up for it without being overbearing. This would have a been a good time for Charming to show a better side of his personality as well. I have always loved Hook and his interactions with Emma and I think he continues to be a fascinating character. He made a very unbelievable "bad guy" last season and I like that they've taken that and used it to make Peter Pan a villain. The shows strength has always been the characters' complex and often gray back stories and hopefully this season continues to run with that.

Once Upon a Time in Wonderland
In ever constant belief that I'm an excellent multi-tasker, I'm actually writing this while watching the premiere and folding laundry and it's losing the attention battle (I mean, after laundry of course). I like the glimpse of Storybrooke at the begining and the introduction of new characters, but I think it will need to have a more compelling story if it is going to survive. It's lucky also that the source material has both the Queen of Hearts (the late Cora) and a Red Queen so there is an easy source for a new main antagonist. A refresh of the OUAT tie ins would have also been appreciated as I can't quite remember all of the Knave of Hearts story. OUATIW should also try not to force special effects so much. I know it's Wonderland but many of the effects come off looking shoddy and aren't all necessary. Focus on the ones that are needed (like our CGI White Rabbit played nicely by John Lithgow) and let the story do the rest.

How I Met Your Mother
The first couple of episodes really hit it out of the park for me. I love how (spoiler alert) they came out of the gates with the mother. When she was revealed last season, I was excited to see how they would incorporate her. The idea of going with a little known actress kept me from having any pre-conceived notions of her which I'm sure helped with how much I ended up loving the character. She has Ted's same oddities but the strength of character to put up with Lily (and likely the rest of the group too). You can easily see her fitting in on the front porch and her chemistry with Ted is believable as well. What's bothering me about this season is that we haven't continued to see more of her. While it's nice to see some more of the Lily/Ted dynamic, the season is starting to suffer from the same repetitive antics that the last couple of seasons have suffered from. It would be nice if they stopped treading water and showed us more flash forwards and scenes with the Mother. I'm also starting to miss Marshall. It's amazing how Jason Segal can act through an iPad and still be stronger than two other characters on scene but I hope we don't get too far into this wedding weekend without him.

Parenthood
This show continues to tug on my heartstrings. Christina's cancer battle last season had me spending many nights curled up in a tear filled ball on my couch and it's nice to see that turned on it's head and used as a motivation to have her take risks now that she has "a second chance." I've always loved how this show uses the large extended family of a cast to show a variety of family dynamics in a realistic way and it continues to be solid.

Modern Family
I love this show and it continues to be consistently funny. I really love that the season opener touched on the legalization of gay marraige in California, giving us some tender moments between all of the adult couples. The show often just shoots for laughs so to be reminded of why all of these couples love each other was so sweet. My personal favorite was Phil and Claire since his goofiness often seems like an odd match to her sternness and I like how the show realized that and let you see why they work. I'm not thinking of any other stand out moment but the show is always great for a 30 minute laugh and I'm going to keep watching.

Sleepy Hollow
This show has surprised me. I originally thought the concept was silly, but I was intrigued enough to watch the first episode and it really exceeded expectations. The show is pleasantly humorous and handles the person-from-past-suddenly-in-modern-times very well. It looks as though each episode will handle a unique paranormal occurrence. The highlight for me was definitely when they wrote in that it was prophesized that the team would be working together for 7 years. Nice try, this is Fox... The Blacklist handled this better by saying that the list was long and Red wouldn't disclose exactly how many were on it. All in all, it's a fun watch. I haven't seen the last few episodes and I'm starting to think that my biggest problem with the show is just finding the time to catch up with all of my other series going on.

Arrow
The season premiere of Arrow really blew me away. Aside from the Dark Knight Returns esque two second return trip from the island, the season really addressed all of the repurcussions of the undertaking and the characters have developed accordingly. Ollie's decision to "find another way" in order to honor Tommy is a great next step to take the character in and it will be interesting to see the challenges associated with not just killing his enemies. I also just want to say that I'm all kinds of excited about Summer Glau. I'm really looking forward to this one unfolding.

The Simpsons
I'm not going to get into a discussion about this show treading water and being around too long. It's the Simpsons, it's like a third brother to me and I think I'm going to love it no matter what. Since that's out, I might as well compliment my brother and say that Guillermo del Toro's into to Treehouse of Terror (which I'm happy actually aired, you know, before Halloween) was amazing and it was so fun to look for all of the horror movie references (many of them just being able to use other Treehouse of Terror episodes). I actually watched it twice. I might be watching it a third time right now.

Agents of SHEILD
Last but definitely not least is SHEILD, the Marvel spinoff. I'm loving this show so far. It's always great to get more Agent Coulson and the longer the show is on, you see more of him as an actual person and not the stiff face of SHEILD. The show does a great job of setting itself up as something independent of the movies (because it would tough to get all of those actors popping in) while clearly existing in that universe. It makes an interesting point about the nature of the powers of the Avengers as well. Many of them have their abilities because of technology or scientific developments which, in theory, could be copied, stolen, etc. This has already popped up in past episodes and I think it will be a big theme throughout. SHEILD gets to exist in an interesting universe where it feels realistic but you are constantly reminded that in the Avengers these people saw gods and aliens battling over New York City - basically meaning that anything is possible. It's a really fun show to watch and each episode nicely wraps up their cases while all tying into a bigger themes and character arches.

Having so many new shows, I've seen that this seems to be the most successful set up for a TV show. It doesn't depend so much on you remembering every nuance of the past episodes but you build empathy around your characters and want to see how they progress. SHEILD, Blacklist, and Sleepy Hollow all do this and I think that's why they've been doing so well this far. Other shows like Hostages and the Once Upon a Time shows follow wider stories that build on each episode and demand the viewers remember every little thing that goes on. I still find these shows to be entertaining, but I wonder if these overly complicated story arcs are contributing to the diminishing viewership of the shows.

What I Read Last Month (September 2013)

I love reading. A couple of years ago I bought a Kindle and from there joined Goodreads and the combination has boosted my reading almost to high school levels (I worked in a book store and used to devour a book a week). Each year I set lofty reading goals for myself. This year my aim is to read 36 books and while I'm a little behind my goal, it still has me reading a few different titles each month. So how did September fare?

William-Sonoma: The Wine Guide 

At the beginning of the month, I was studying for a wine exam. After finishing my course books, I thought I'd crack into some other wine books I had gotten as gifts. The William Sonoma Wine Guide gave a good background on wine from the prominent wine regions and varietals to helpful food pairings. In fact, long before I read the book all the way through, I would use it to figure out which wines to have with dinner and it's responsible for much of my pairing knowledge.

I found a little bit of difficulty when I got to the A-Z guide section which reads like a giant glossary. While helpful for someone looking up a specific wine term, it was extremely boring to read through. Imagine reading through the dictionary - this was basically the same thing. Sadly, that made it hard to focus and unfortunately, some of the terms that I'd glossed over ended up being on the test.

The Rook by Daniel O'Malley

I really loved this book. When I read the description, I thought it was going to be a little heavy but the book was actually pretty lighthearted and added some comedy to some serious areas.

I would best describe the book as a mix between X-Men and The Bourne Identity. Despite having a lot of similarities with other fantasy books, there were a lot of really unique powers and abilities, not limited to the antagonists (which we'll leave out for spoiler reasons).

Despite the supernatural elements, the book actually gave a realistic portrayal of bureaucracy and a very realistic female lead. In fact, it was great to see a female lead who was strong, smart, friendly, and not just chasing a man. I couldn't put this one down and I'm really looking forward to the sequels!

What's on Schedule for Next Month?

I'm currently reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay which I've only heard fantastic things about and I'm excited to see it unfold. My book club is planning on reading The Casual Vacancy so I will be as well. I'm hoping that's a quick read because I read an excerpt from The Circle by David Eggers and I instantly pre-ordered the promising novel.

To keep up with what I'm reading each month and my 36 book goal, you can follow me on Goodreads.

I'm Baaaccckkkkk

This past year and some change has been filled with so many adventures for me.

First, I decided that my "one new thing a week" adventure had run it's course. I no longer needed to seek out adventures and push myself to step out of my box, it was happening on it's own and instead I found that I had too much to do, too much to write about, and not enough time. My posts were so far in the past that I was stepping backwards instead of really letting myself continue to push forward into the kind of changes I needed to make for myself. I decided to start a new blog where I wasn't so confined to the set up I made for myself.

Cinnamon Geek was a platform where I could write about whatever I was geeking out about - movies, music, wine, working out, food. It gave me the flexibility to share my interests and write the kind of posts that come easily - those fueled by passion about the subject.

And it showed! Cinnamon Geek, while never really taking off in its own right (unlike this blog which still gets tons of views even without new content), the passion transcended and I was offered a spot writing for a wine blog, Simple Hedonisms. I learned how to write more extensively about wine while attending tastings, taking wine courses, and getting to try a ton of amazing things. Talking and writing about wine clearly sparked something in me and I was eager to share that with the world.

Things really took off from there. I changed jobs, traveled a bit, started a relationship. It was kind of a really crazy few months for a while there, and at the end of the day I realized that I loved being able to write about those things when I had those posts here. I also love writing about wine and food and geeky things. It felt like the right time to stir things up here again so that I had a place where I could have some more flexibility in my content.

I've had a lot of adventures the last few years and ton of changes lately, but something tells me that the adventure is just beginning and I'm so excited for what's yet to come.

P.S. I'm sure you're all thinking that Cinnamon Geek would have been a better site to go off of to start this and you're probably right but some how some weird French wolf Ugg site seems to have control over it and I'm not really sure how to get it back.

2013 New Years Resolution

I'm a list maker. I love them. Every day at work, I make lists for myself. I revel in the feeling of accomplishment as I cross things off. Making a list of things to do each year fed my type A personality's need to get things done.

When I was making this years list, I found myself in an odd spot. It seemed like I was adding the same key points that I'd grown fond of over the past couple of years: gym schedule, save money, travel somewhere new. They're all important and I strive to do them every year but it was the first year where I wasn't really making a new list. 2012 was a really crazy year for me. While I think I'm in a great place now - it's not without a year of moving through a lot of struggles. I'm not perfect, but for once I feel like I'm starting my year in a spot where I'm not struggling to figure out how to make myself better. Life did that pretty well on its own and 2012 was a lot of life experiences in one year.

In the end, when I got rid of all of the superfluous and repetitive resolutions, I only had one. This is going to sound really terrible and I honestly mean this in the best way, but I just want to be a little bit selfish.

Resolutions are supposed to be to better yourself or do something for others so I was torn up that I kept coming back to this... but I couldn't let it go. And then I kept thinking about 2012... why did I feel so burnt out? So I tried to pinpoint what the problem was. I realized that I'd used most of my days off to be places for other people - weddings, friends in town, family needs, holidays. I took one trip for myself.. in January. Even the days I took to study, I was worried about a friend that had gotten into some trouble. The only time I'd really said no to obligations I had, was when I was mentally and emotionally drained from dealing with a family issue.

I love helping friends, I love being there for my family, and I really really hate flaking out on plans. Then again - was doing all of those things worth not being home sometimes? Not making time for my personal well being? Most of my friends say "no" sometimes. They take time for themselves. I don't think anyone would think any less of me if I did the same sometimes.

After really thinking about it, I realized my selfish goal wasn't actually that selfish. It was being a normal person who makes balances and priorities and takes time for themselves. If I'm not doing it now - then when will I?