OMG I'm 30.
As we all know, that's basically the end of your life and I'm too old to do anything now. AARP has been trying to recruit me for months now but I think I still have a few good years left so I'll hold off on joining for now.
30 is going to be such a landmark year for me. I'm getting married! I have an awesome little family of Dan and animals and wine. In a few years we'll hopefully have a house and maybe a baby. I'm in the best shape of my life and I know I have so much more potential. I don't feel like I'm getting older (unless I'm drinking - MAN those late 20s hangovers are no joke), I just feel like I'm becoming more me. This year is going to be huge and I'm so happy that my return of Saturn has landed me in a really awesome place - but it look a lot of learning to get here. I'm pretty sure every other blogger over the age of 30 has a version of this list but I've learned so many great things on my way here and I wanted to share them.
1. Smile. I wrote my college essay on smiling. I got into every school I used it for. The gist of it: No matter how you feel, you'll feel better when you smile. You're going to have bad days but smile. When someone sees you smile, they'll smile back. Do you know what that does? It makes you smile harder. A smile is the freest most effective thing that we can share with people so do it. Just smile.
2. Learn when to fight for a relationship and when not to. I think one of the things we go through in life are losing friendships and significant others whether we want to or not. I've had times in my life where I've held on for dear life to relationships where the other person didn't and it is draining. You don't need that. No one has time for that. In a similar vein - It's ok to say no sometimes to your friends. If you're draining yourself saying yes to everything people want you to do, you're going to burn out.
3. But those good friendships - make them last. I have friends all over the country and it means a lot to me to keep in touch with them and whether we talk once a week or once a year, they mean more to me than anything. Find ways to keep in touch even if it's mailing birthday cards or sending a random meme or linking a funny Instagram to them. I read a great article on this a few weeks ago - about showing up for your friends and being there for things that are important. As we grow up, our lives are going to get more busy but making that extra effort to be there for the big things is huge.
4. Experiences are better than possessions. Trust me, I love my possessions and I possess quite a few of them but more and more I'm taking loads of things to Goodwill and wishing I had a little extra money to go somewhere. I always remember the fun stuff and the trips and with Facebook and albums it's so fun to look back on those memories.
5. Never say you can't do something. I always told myself I'd never be a runner and then I started doing 5ks... but I would never do a half marathon... well, I've done two. When you tell yourself you can't do something, your only obstacle is yourself. I don't tell myself I can't do things anymore. I just decide if I'm going to or not. You can do anything. Really. Do it. I'll wait.
6. Constantly do things that challenges you. The times I feel best about what I'm doing with my life are when I'm pushing my limits and reaching goals that are challenging. The fitness classes I take - not easy. Juggling all the things I do - not easy. Never keep yourself from trying something because it's challenging. Challenges make you stronger.
7. ...but you don't have to challenge yourself every day. I almost wrote "do something that challenges you every day" but let's be real here - sometimes you just need a day off. Or a week off. Or a month off. Listen to your needs and give yourself breaks.
8. Listen to your body. As I get older, I appreciate my body more and more and I've learned to listen to it's queues. I eat when I'm hungry. I eat healthier when it feels tired or bloated. I rest it when it feels stressed. You only get one body and it baffles me how poorly some people treat theirs. I know the steps I take now giving my body a great foundation to fight any health challenges I might be pre-disposed to.
9. Treat yourself! It's no surprise I try to eat mostly paleo, but the key word is mostly. We make cookies all the time! That aren't paleo! Like processed cookies full of sugar! I love wine and have a glass almost every day. Dan and I both workout a lot and always have a lot going on and the occasional batch of cookies makes us really happy and that's worth it.10. Be uncomfortable. I have a lot of comfortable days and they kind of blur together and aren't interesting. The days where I'm uncomfortable and challenged - those are the days that make me a better person. I feel tired and accomplished at the end of the day and that's growth.
11. Don't miss out on the life experiences. I have always cherished being at my friends' weddings or in my niece's life or having spent some of my aunt's last moments with her. I'm happy I live near my family now and miss out on even fewer life events. It's worth it to make that push to be with the people in your life during the big stuff.
12. Travel. Everyone will tell you this. Everyone is right. Pictures are nice but seeing something in person is truly amazing. Going places is amazing. Taking time off is amazing. Travel is all of that and you owe it to yourself to do it.
13. Be open to new experiences. If you're going to travel - do it 110%. Don't go to China and go to McDonald's. Eat the weird thing (but I mean maybe pack some Tums and bring a bottle of water), hike the mountain, jump off the bridge - just do it. It's only scary for about 5 seconds.
14. Unplug. I think my absolutely favorite thing about traveling abroad is not having access to my cell phone. All but one of the times I've been off the continent, I didn't get international cell phone coverage. It seemed like an unnecessary expense and I would just hop onto wifi every few days to look up maps or whatever I needed for my. It felt amazing to not be a slave to my phone and the reset always made me feel less attached to my phone in the months after coming back. The trips where I did have my phone - I didn't get that same escape.
15. Be conscientious. On one trip when I didn't get the international plan, everyone I was with did. I was excited to go out and just enjoy everyone's company but instead everyone else was plugged into their phones - they were just checking Facebook or sports scores too. It really bummed me out then they were more drawn to their phones than the experience of dinner in a foreign land - but most of all that no one noticed I was sitting their trying to talk to them and enjoy the experience. I know I've been guilty about this as well which is why I love remembering this experience and reminding myself to put my phone away.
17. And share what you make. When my aunt passed away, it was really hard on me. She taught me so much about the things I love and it hurts every day that she's not here anymore. The only thing that makes it better is how much of her art I have. It makes me feel like I have a piece of her in my home and it keeps her close. We're not all going to be rich or famous and memories can fade but having something so personal to remember her by means the world to me. If I can leave one thing behind, I want it to be the things I made too.
18. It's ok to change your mind. I feel like we have so much pressure to make big decisions at a young age. Sometimes I run into my ex-boyfriend from college and he always asks me if I'm going to start that sports store or any of the other crazy ideas I had when I was 20. It's always a little bit of a shock to me because those were like 109809 ideas ago and I barely remember that I ever wanted to do that. I also wanted to go to business school... in Paris... or Massachusetts... I've wanted to move to Brazil, I've wanted to get some pretty terrible tattoos. I wanted to be a professional Rollerblader at one point... or a model.. whichever worked out first. The point is, I hope 30 year old you is very different than 20 year old you so its ok to want different things.
19. But you don't have to change your mind either. I think the only thing I've wanted to do that I still wanted to do many years later was move to San Diego. That was a pretty solid idea. Glad that one stuck around - but, for the record, for a couple of years I changed my mind on that one too....
20. You don't have to know what you're going to be when you grow up. Speaking of changing your mind - I change my mind on what I want to "do" about 27 times a weeks. And I'm 30. So if you think you're supposed to know what you want to do when you grow up when you're 17 and applying to colleges - you're wrong. You don't have to know when you're 17 or 22 or 30 or 87. You should probably figure out what you're going to do for the next few years but you don't have to keep that job or stay on that path. It's never too late to figure out what you want to be when you grow up. (Dan wanted me to add that you could also just never grow up. That works too. My theory on that is you can be a kid until you have kids and then you just fake being an adult but play with their toys and pretend you're doing it because you have to and not because you really want to play with toys.)
21. But maybe start getting ideas. I don't know what I want to be when I grow but I have ALWAYS known what kind of job I want to have. I want to be the boss. I don't think I will ever really be happy until I am running my own show. I want a job where I never feel like my intelligence, drive, or creativity are compromised. I want a job where no one makes me feel stupid or brings out my impatience. I want a job where I can be an effective leader while being kind and fair. I want to be rewarded for my hard work but I feel like if all of the above are crossed off, the job itself will be very rewarding. Every day I try to figure out what this job is and how to get there and hopefully I'm getting warmer.
22. You're not too old to be successful. The biggest road block I face day to day is feeling like I'm behind my peers. I see people around me who are doing so well and I feel like I'm being lapped - like we started in the same place but somehow my path took me in circles while they all moved ahead - and then I remember that I'm 30. I've been working for 8 years. There are more years left in my working life than the number of years I have been alive. 8 years down, 35 to go (which is depressing in a different way). So I'm not living the dream in my first 8 years of working - I'm sure most people aren't. I happen to have some pretty badass friends who are but I have a really long time to get there too. That's 35 years to figure out what I want to be when I grow up!
23. Always be the person you would want other people to be for you. Sometimes I get frustrated that other people aren't the friend I want I want them to be. Actually this is 100% of any problem I've ever had with any friend ever. I finally realized the best way for me to get a handle on it. I always expect people to do what I would do or what I would want them to do but other people are never going to be me. Recently, I had an experience where some friends completely baffled me with the way they acted in a situation. I won't get into it but it was so out of the box that it threw me for a loop and really bothered me and I finally realized what part of the issue was - and it was that I would never, ever want someone to see me the way that I saw them in that situation and that even though it's frustrating - when the situation is flipped I want to be the bigger person and do what I know is right.
Ok, there were a whole lot of really serious ones a row - let's lighten things up.
24. Libraries are awesome. Some of you probably realized this when I you were 8. I used to love the school library when I was a kid but then in high school I worked at a book store and then Amazon happened and then the Kindle and I just started buying tons of books. If you're going to spend lots of money on anything, books are probably a pretty quality way to go, but I was buying books and they'd sit around and not get read... and then someone in my San Diego book club mentioned the library... and a light bulb went off as if this institution hasn't been around long before me. I LOVE the library. I love hold lists. I love deadlines. I love putting books on reserve and getting my email and having 3 weeks to read it and then giving it back for someone else to enjoy. I feel like it gets me to actually read books a lot faster and it makes me feel like part of the community.
25. Be part of a community. One of my first resolutions when we moved to San Diego was to find a community to be a part of. I didn't 100% find an all inclusive community like I left in the Bay Area but I found a bunch of little ones and that's great too. I have my book club, I have the group of friends I made when I first moved here, I have Dan's gym, and hopefully soon I'll have some climbers. Having a few little communities has been a great way for me to nurture all of my different interests instead of needing one group to do it all.
26. One person or group is not going to fulfill all of your needs. This is probably my favorite of all the lessons. I was having dinner with a friend once a really long time ago and she said "I really don't like when a friend thinks a boyfriend should fulfill everyone one of her needs. I think he fills some needs and other friends fill other needs and you can't expect one person to be everything you need from people." It was the best observation of relationships I've ever heard to this day. Dan is amazing for me. We like so many of the same things. We also don't like a lot of the same things. However, a lot of the things we don't have in common - I have in common with a lot of my other friends. Dan is never going to love partying like crazy with me or going out to an expensive dinner but almost all of my girlfriends do. I have friends that are responsible and organized and friends that are fun and silly and they all fill a different need I have in my relationships. You can't fit someone into a need they don't fit into. Find how each friend fits into your life and don't expect more from them than that.
27. Find the needs you need in your partner. Again, not everyone is going to be perfect. There is no prince charming who will magically be all things wonderful and amazing. Find what YOU need. I needed someone who could be silly and weird. I needed someone who would challenge me without frustrating me or putting me down. I needed someone who would be ok with my strong personality and my goals. I needed someone who could just go along with my crazy ideas sometimes. I have all of that in Dan. I think it takes a really special man to be with a strong woman and be confident in their manliness as well and I'm happy that my partner supports everything I do and builds me up and encourages me. If you're reading this though Dan - I wouldn't mind a few more flowers :* but thanks for killing all the spiders.
28. Brunch is one of the best things ever. It's even better than libraries. I know, right? Sometimes I think Dan is just with me because it's not socially acceptable for single men to go to brunch (not judging if you do - just keeping doing you). Brunch has reached a new level of awesome since we moved to San Diego. There's brunch on the beach. There's brunch with 10 different kinds of Eggs Benny (which is like the prom queen of brunch). There's buffet brunches. There's luxurious champagne brunches in fancy restaurants. Brunch is nothing new but when you mix it with everything else San Diego has to offer, it really just becomes extra special. I don't have birthday parties anymore, I have birthday brunches. I have parties anymore I have brunch potlucks. Just... brunch.
29. Eat real food. Haha - I wasn't going to let you sneak away with out a little Paleo push. It's definitely related to loving your body, but eating real food has been one of the best lifestyle changes ever. Dan and I don't even really eat paleo anymore. We eat whole grain bread and tortillas and corn. We just make sure to really cut back on the processed stuff. It's been a great balance for us since we need more carbs with the amount that we work out. I also started a veggie garden which makes me so happy and has been an excellent happy place. It's really fulfilling to spend months starting from a little seed to eventually having vegetables you can eat and I can't wait until we buy a place and can really ramp up the garden. Also - the occasional cookie ;)
30. You can be really happy or you can be really upset all the time and it's always your choice. (disclaimer - barring mental illness, etc). I saw that in a magazine once when I was 18 and I hung it in the wall in my college dorm room. I've had many bedroom walls since then but the quote has stuck with me. Whenever I get upset about something or I'm sad or just in a funk - I try to remember that quote. I don't always succeed but every now and I then I think - "why am I feeling like this? This is all in my head. I could be upset or I could go play with the dog or watch a movie or go for a run or have a glass of wine." It doesn't always work but it helps get through the bad days sometimes.
I think the best thing about all the things I've learned is going through them and remembering the lessons. I'm not perfect, I break my own rules all the time but a trip through memory lane is a great way to remember my experiences and my journey until this point. I still have a million things to learn but these 30 things have been a really good foundation on my journey through life.
