A New Set of Adventures!

Ok blog world, it's here! I've been dropping hints for about a year that I've been working on something, and I'm finally ready to announce it. It's funny how time works. I thought I would be able to turn this around within a few months and I was on track to until life happened. Between getting caught up in beaurocracy, planning a wedding, and spending a lot of time with family - this got pushed back several times but we're here now and hitting the ground running.

So what did I do?

I got my real estate license!!!

I feel like I've really come full circle on this and I'm so excited to get started. I have loved houses as long as I can remember. I worked in a bookstore in high school and I used to always flip through Christie's Great Estates on my breaks. I'd think about the day that I could buy my dream home. It led me to start searching through the LA times real estate section and trying to figure out how I could buy my own waterfront mansion some day (I was a very ambitious teenager). I thought about pursuing real estate in college and after but my dad convinced me to think about different options and the market crash that accompanied my graduation from Berkeley, made that path impossible at the time.

Let's fast forward. I've always dreamed of starting my own business. About a year ago, I read an article that really solidified a lot of what I was feeling: the best path to wealth is by having a career that has unlimited upside. Aka - it's hard to get rich when someone tells you how much money you're going to make, and if you're a hard worker, it can be frustrating to have your efforts pad the pockets other people while making no difference to yourself. It summed up so much of what had been bothering me, and I decided to find this kind of job.

Around the same time, I was watching a lot of HGTV. I'd take Harley for walks on weekends and would check out all of the open houses. I started dream buying my favorite places in the neighborhood and searching on Zillow just for fun. It suddenly dawned on me, that maybe this was the path I should go down again? So I did a little research, and started taking real estate classes. I loved what I was learning and it really solidified that I'd made the right choice.

Now that I've passed my exam and gotten licensed, I'm excited to start working. I'm so happy, I also found a great company to work for. They support my interest in doing this part time and they also have so much training and amazing resources. They know that if I succeed, they succeed and vice versa. The also contribute a part of each transaction to charity.

So now I'm free to go off in the world (well, California) and help people buy and sell homes. I'd love if you could pass the word onto any friends and family who may be interested in more information about real estate. Here is my real estate website - definitely add your email to the neighborhood news section if you'd like to get updates on your local market. 

Nikki Lincoln
Realtor
Scripps Ranch
9988 Hibert St.
San Diego, CA 92131

Office: (858) 530-1100
Direct: (818) 406-5541
License: 02011015
Email: nlincoln@windermere.com
Website: http://nlincoln.withwre.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkilincolnrealtor/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nikkilincolnrealtor/

May 2017 - Check In #5

This was a shorter month for me. You're probably thinking "Nikki, May has 31 days. That is literally the longest a month can be." True - but since we came back from Europe on the 6th and needed some days to adjust, I really feel like getting back to our habits didn't start until about the 10th. That's also when I published the April post so if it helps, April had an extra 9 days and May was short those. That puts it under February so definitely a short month with lots to do!

It's funny though, even though it was a "short month," this has been the only post I haven't been writing as things were happening. I was so busy trying to do it all, I just crashed when it was done. Low and behold, I finally looked at the date, realized it was the end of the month, and figured I should write my update.

Designated Date Time

I'm still trying to figure out a better name for this section. Williams Adventures? Marriage Work? I don't know. I just know that really it's about the two of us (and Harley!) having a good time exploring San Diego and spending time together and having a certain time each week dedicated to that.

We really didn't do this one too well, and that's going to be a running theme of this month. While I definitely still think this is an important goal, we needed a month off. So much of May was spent doing everything - being there for family, getting back to normal life after the funeral and our trip, studying for my test, and finally catching up with friends we hadn't seen in two months. That's definitely a lot to balance along with a relationship and it was stressful at times but I honestly got home the night of my test and was a whole different person with that big burden gone.

It really made me think about the whole point of this goal - to build up quality time so that it was stored away for when we needed it. These past months have been full of stressful, difficult things that are trying on any relationship. However, I felt like we had this little piggy bank of quality time stored up and even though we couldn't make as much time for hikes and things while juggling everything else, it was ok because we knew how to get that back when we had time again.

At the end of the month, we did have the time for a hike but I was so sore from trying to get back to my gym schedule (more on that later) that I just didn't want to. We did other things instead though - went to an open house, ran errands together, and worked on the house. We also spent the whole weekend together and with friends. The whole thing is just a lesson on the different shapes quality time can take. It can be making your home nicer or going with the other person to do something they love or being together but with others.

Stick to a Regular Fitness Schedule

This was the toughest one of my goals. As I've said before, going to the gym is way easier when you are doing it with a friend. I climb twice a week with a friend and that was the easiest thing to add back to the schedule. I had been taking another class with Dan and some friends but none of them were able to make it this month and I decided to study instead of pushing myself. That basically was the trend - I skipped on my walks and other fitness just to buckle down and prepare for this test.

It felt good climbing for the few weeks of this month, but once my test was over, I was excited to get back to Body Pump. I knew that after two months off, I'd need to take it easy so I greatly decreased my weight. That wasn't enough though - I was so sore for days. My body taught me a lesson about taking too much time off from my fitness and I'll have to make sure to not make that mistake again.

Meal Planning

pictures of avocado toast without any avocado

I'm still not great about planning out our meals for the week and keeping my shopping list strictly there but I wasn't before so there wasn't much of a loss here. It did feel SO GREAT to be cooking in my kitchen again. After all the amazing eating in Europe, I was worried that I wouldn't want to cook again, but that was so wrong. Getting back into the kitchen really felt like coming home.

Ironically, the thing I missed the most was breakfast. While our lunches and dinners varied a lot on and off the cruise ship, breakfast was the same every day and very little of it felt like what I would eat at home (I don't really like pastries or cereal). I decided to really be better about making myself breakfasts when I got home. Really this meant a lot of avocado toast. On one of my shopping trips, I picked up a little sampler of brie and started making brie toast as well. It's probably my new favorite food.

We've also been back on our healthy eating kick. I go shopping and just try to get mostly vegetables. We've been grilling them and eating so many varieties and colors of produce. We started juicing a little bit because we heard ginger juice is really good for you. I'm still thinking about doing another eating cleanse like Whole30 again but for right now I'm enjoying just trying to eat really healthy each day.

Take an Annual Trip with My Husband

I don't think we'll be planing another big adventure for a little while. There's way too much to do in the meantime. I think the next big step will just be planning weekend trips to see friends and family and for weddings. Once those are all taken care of, we can re-organize and see where the money and vacation days stand and then see if we can go on another vacation before the end of the year. In the meantime though, we can look through all of our photos and remember what a great trip we had!

Also I have souvenir from our trip for you - blog posts! I took notes during most of our trip and I'm planning to convert those into posts in the near future. If you look back through the history of this blog, a lot of it was about my traveling adventures. I think it will be really fun to write about them again.

Read a Book a Week

I actually crushed this one. It was a good reminder that there are a lot of ways to read a book. I had my study guides that I finished. I listened to an audio book while on a drive to/from LA. I had kindle books and I got back into the library. I got 6 books down this month and that doesn't include the book I counted toward April. I'm halfway to my goal for the year and we're not halfway through the year. Yes, I'm a month ahead and it feels great.

As you'll read later on, May really was a great time for me to prepare and organize a lot of projects and dreams I have. Sometimes, you just read the perfect book for where you are in life. The last book I read in May, was that book for me. I read The Magnolia Story - the autobiography by the couple on Fixer Upper. I thought it would just be a cute little history of their lives but it was so much more. Obviously they are adorable and successful but they started so modestly, just tackling little projects and flips and opening side businesses with whatever they had. Sometimes I think everything I want to do is impossible but seeing someone else do it is so motivating. It came at the perfect time. Here's a link to my more official review on Goodreads if you want to hear more about it. 

Me Time

Almost done with another page!

Obviously studying doesn't allow for a lot of me time. It was great to finish my test and get back to that though. I grabbed a beer on my own at a brewery. I read some extra books. I've caught up on so much Netflix. I did more cross stitching. It felt so nice to take a week to catch up on myself in the aftermath of my test. Now that I've had a good week of relaxation, I'm excited to get to next steps of my master plan... and maybe make sure I still carve out some nice pockets of time for myself.

My Best Me May

This was purposely a really vague goal. I knew some things I wanted to check off, but mostly I just wanted to open the door to be a better version of myself. Maybe we all need to do that sometimes. I took my test last week and I passed! Being my best me also meant not just stopping with passing a test. Even though I needed a little time off, and took it, I also made sure I was taking the next steps. I'm hoping that by the next update, I'll be able to share big plans. If you've been paying attention, you probably have a good idea what I've been working on.

The rest of it was just about being a better person. To be clear, I don't think I'm a bad person, but sometimes we're all a little selfish or have some room for self improvement. So this was about doing the nice things you don't always want to do. It was about listening when you want to talk. It was about being polite instead of frustrated. It was about trying to do all of that and knowing you could still do better and giving yourself something to keep working on. I was still bad about making my bed though. 

my biggest cheerleader

On another note, I spent a good chunk of this year so far feeling really self conscious. This month was the first time I felt better about all of that. I'm realizing that doubting myself makes me into a person that doesn't feel like me. I also realized that all the stress I've been putting myself under has compounded and made the insecurities feel worse. It's been nice to let a lot of that go. This past weekend - with the test done, and my head in a better place, I felt the most like me that I have in months. I spent time with friends and didn't question everything I was doing and saying. I talked with strangers and didn't think about how to sell myself to them. I realized that maybe I've come through some difficult times and I'm in a better place. 

A lot of this had a lot to do with my mom. She was always so confident and made friends wherever she went. A lot of our "family" in LA are actually various friends she's made over the years. If there was something I admired most about her, it would have to be that. It was a trait I felt that I had as well until lately. I wanted that feeling back and I decided to just take it. I also realized that being a friendly or welcoming person doesn't mean being perfect or being walked all over. I've learned that some people don't appreciate that kind a friend and that was contributing too much to my self confidence. I know that if my mom were here, she wouldn't want me to be a doormat and that's really helped me come back into my own - that thought that there are always going to be people that make you feel terrible and that shouldn't for a second stop you from being who you are for everyone else.

Just Do It June

My planner is also a reminder of all the work to do.
Luckily, it helps me organize my crazy brain and keep on track!

When I think of "Just Do It" I obviously think of Nike and fitness and that was originally the idea here. I have two races in June - one more serious and one more fun - and I wanted to really push myself. Even though I've done a ton of races, I always feel like I could have pushed a little harder. While I'd still like to do that, that's not the main goal here anymore. For starters, I've had a whole lot of trouble getting back on my fitness routine after the time off. I also just have so many more goals that I want to make sure I just do.

As I'd said before, May was really a short month for me but I feel like I did so much. I'm at a place where it feels like so many things are beginning and have a lot of potential. May got me at that place and June is where we tackle it.

It's weird to be here at this time in my life and it goes back to a point I made last month about dealing with loss-it can break you or it can make you stronger. My mom always expected the best from me because she knew I could do it. She knew about all these plans that I have now and she always said "why are you wasting time, just do it." Maybe not in those exact words - but that idea. A lot of what I'm working on now has been in progress for over a year and it kept getting delayed because of life and stress and maybe a little laziness. She always pushed me to keep on track and not get distracted, to follow through. I think I'm doing my best me by channeling all of my energy or grief into my projects. Some are fun things too like getting a Housewarming party on the calendar - another great way to honor my mom is by following her example as the best hostess ever. All of this, everything I'm doing, is for her.

April 2017 - Check in #4

After the last one, I can't even imagine writing a post about something as silly as habits. My original plan was break up this post between the time before our trip to Europe and after it - figuring that obviously we wouldn't be following our habits while in Europe. Little did I know, a much bigger event would occur - the death of my mom would change the flow of all of my day to day habits. So, I guess this will really be broken into life before everything happening (my mom passing, the time spent with family, and of course, our trip to Europe) and after everything. Since I'd already written many of the "before" parts as I was going through them, it feels really accurate to keep the feelings I had then versus how I am now.

Family Time

Before Everything

I already knew April was going to be a bust for this one. We had our trip coming up and busy weekends up until then. The first weekend in May, we traded our family hike for a bike ride with friends. Dan had to work part of the weekend so I took Harley to the beach the other day. While we all got out of the house in some way or another, it wasn't quite the same and sometimes that's ok. If you're pushing a goal so much that you're missing out on other things, then that's not great either.

The following week we had a friend in town and had a race and brunch that took place of the hike. My friend and I ran the race while Dan and Harley cheered us on. While it wasn't the same as a family hike, we did what we could while balancing our other plans.

After Everything

The idea of family time just including Dan and Harley seems so faulty in perspective of losing my mom so I think it's good to remember what I meant by this. Obviously, all family is important and I really feel that I made an effort to see my mom quite a bit in the past year (and of course, I could have gone more too). In the time after her death, I spent about two weeks in LA with the rest of my family - my brothers and my dad and that was very important time too.

So it feels wrong to call this goal family time anymore. I'll have to think about what the right word is so for now, I'll describe what I meant.

In the time just after our wedding, I felt disconnected from a lot of my friends. The ones who were visiting went home and the ones who lived here were busy with their own lives. I had someone tell me this feeling is normal - everything is about you for so long that after the wedding you feel this missing and it's somewhat true - people want to focus on themselves and their other friends for a while. As someone who is really social, this made me feel really sad and lonely, but I was a newlywed and there was no reason to feel this way. Instead of trying to fill all my free time with my friends, why not fill it with my husband? So I decided it was important to carve out some time each week for him and to do something together to build that habit and remember that our marriage and our relationship is so important and needs to last even when friendships are faulty or kids are annoying or any of life's obstacles happen.

The real reason for this goal then, was to strengthen our foundation becuase the time after you get married, things are good, but so much can happen in life. When my mom passed away, I really needed Dan to be there. We had this huge hurdle so early in our marriage and it's effect on me causes strains on a day to day basis. That's why it's important to be strong together when things are good - you need that base to help you when you lose a loved one, when you have kids, or when any other thing that could go wrong, does.

Stick to a Regular Fitness Schedule

Before Everything

weight on, stress off

Despite being crazy busy, I still tried to stick to my workout schedule. If I had a free day or my workout partners couldn't make it, I would take a break as well and study. However, I tried to not miss if I didn't have to and believe me, I wanted to some days.

When you are stressed and tired - it's easy to want to drop your routine and just get your shit done but man, did I feel better after working out. One day, I was so close to just not going but I decided to make it a game time decision. I had a shot of coffee and made a smoothie and dressed to go to the gym... and that was enough to get me into it. I went and I had a great workout and it was just the stress relief I needed. Afterwards, I was able to go home and get back to studying with a clearer head.

It may seem counter-intuitive to do more when the thought of how much you have to do in so little time makes your head explode, but taking a break helps your brain reset and having my breaks be something good for me made it feel like it wasn't a waste.

After Everything

The news of my mom passing away was obviously a little shattering. While some people might throw their emotions into working out at a time like this, my muscles all felt like jello. I didn't want to be completely inactive though and went for a walk most days so I was doing some sort of exercise. Can I just say how much I love walking? Even thought my legs were shaky the first few days, it was such a good release. When I walk or run, it's really thinking time for me. I wanted to be sad those first few days and I would walk and I would tear up and it was really therapuedic for me.

By the next week, I was feeling better but we were now days away from our trip and I just couldn't find the time. However, while it Europe, Dan and I walked SO much. According to my watch, we walked about 100 miles in those 2 weeks. Honestly, even though we're in really good shape, my legs hurt by the end of it. If you ever need an excuse to workout - travel. I feel like traveling was so much easier since we were in shape. All the walking, all the stairs, all the hills, all the suitcase lugging - it was so much easier than it could have been. Walking instead of cabbing also saved us money AND helped us justify those extra courses during our cruise ship dinners.  I also hit the gym a couple of times during our "at sea" days but it definitely wasn't up to my usual standards and I know I'll have a lot of work to do now that we're back.

Here are the first of many steps we took to get up to the Campinile in Florence so yea, we weren't really slacking despite being on vacation!

Meal Planning

Before Everything

Meat and veggies!!!

Since Dan and I have crazy fitness goals AND we were going on a vacation that might have some swimsuit time, April felt like a good time to clean up our act. We usually eat pretty healthy but we'd also been stocking up on more ice cream and treats. We decided this would be a good time to rein it in a little and go back to cleaner, meat and vegetable focused meals.

I also saw new clean eating challenge that is being put on by the makers of my favorite fitness class. It started a few days before our trip which felt like not the right time to go on a diet but I think we might try it next month. It also provided me with some new recipes and meal ideas. While we aren't doing it quite yet, I've been trying to steer our meals in that direction and just going crazy with the amount of veggies I'm buying and cooking.

After Everything

Eating is weird when you lose someone. I didn't have an appetite most of the time so I just wouldn't eat and then eventually I would get SUPER hungry and have to eat immediately (while still not having much of an appetite) which led to lots of eating out and fast food. Obviously, if you read this, that's not normal for me. After a few days, this evened out thanks a lot to my brothers. They took charge on the meals and I would pop in to help when they gave me something to do since I wasn't feeling my usual cooking passion.

Not really a meal plan but we ate WELL

I decided to just completely let go of any restrictions while we were in Europe. We were on a cruise and walking so much and the previous weeks had been so hard - I just wanted to enjoy our trip. And I did! We ate so much and so well. We basically had a 4 course meal every night for dinner and amazing lunches while we were in the ports as well. I don't think I've had dessert so many consecutive days before ever.

In the days that we've been back we've been trying to re-adjust to our normal eating. Obviously, it's much lower calorie than we had been eating so I feel like I'm getting hungry all the time. I'm trying to balance between giving in and eating regular meals but I know easing off the sugar and richness from the cruise meals will be an adjustment.

Take an Annual Trip with My Husband

Before Everything

I have a really bad personality trait - I don't usually trust people to do something for me that I know I can do really well myself. Planning trips is one of those things. There's really only one person I've let take the lead on planning my vacations and she wasn't coming with us on this one (although I did copy her itinerary for a city on our trip that she'd recently been to) so it was up to either me or Dan.... and I had a test to study for. I realized I was going to need Dan's help a lot.

And he did an AMAZING job. His schedule isn't as flexible as mine so he broke up the planning and decided to do a city at a time whenever he had the free time. He did a ton of research and mixed in with some recommendations I got, we went into the last leg of our planning together and made some great lists and maps for our trip.

After Everything

Obviously we took the trip! It's really the biggest trip we've taken as a couple in terms of time gone and distance traveled and stress encountered. I'm happy to report that it did not drive us to an early divorce (although there may have been some jetlag induced squabbling). Really though - it made us think about other trips we want to take and how we want to take them. I'll address this more in another post but we had some thoughts about the best ways to travel that we realized while we were traveling.

Anyways, we both started making lists of trips we want to take and what makes sense to trip to do in the immediate future, what we think we could do with little kids, and what might have to be shelved for a while. I like the idea of having a list of several things we really want to do and here's why: travel costs are so finnicky. One day there might be a deal to India and the next to South America. I think being flexibile and locations and timing could help us go some cool places on a discount. We had a really cool trip to Europe but we wanted to go specific places in a specific timeframe and we paid for it. Our next priority is more "see as much as you can" and we can be more flexible which will allow us to do more.

Read a Book a Week

This one doesn't really make sense to break into before and after... The good news is that this was a mission accomplished. Technically, I only read 4 books but I finished the 5th just after the beginning of May and on vacation, time doesn't really count.

Honestly though, I thought I'd do better here. I had a lot of trouble concentrating on reading just after my mom passed away but the library helped out there. I had a couple of books that had to go back by a certain time and since I was in San Diego so little of the month, I really had to get it done. While on vacation, I didn't finish as many books as I felt like I was reading. I finished two books and am partly through three others (two for one, and one study guide that I abandoned through everything) so maybe that's it also. I'm definitely going to finish my fun books before I dive back into studying though so hopefully I'll have at least 3 books to add for May but really I better do more than that.

And I bet you're wondering why I'm still studying. Wasn't my test planned for last month? Well, yea, it was. It was scheduled for the day after we ended up having my mom's service. That's just about the worst time to take a test. The good news is that it wasn't a firm "once a year" type of exam and I was easily able to push it back a month. I haven't picked up that study guide in the last month since my mom passed away but now that I'm easing off of the jet lag, it's definitely time. It basically gives me a week to get back in the study mind set and then the same week of crunch time that I would have had. I'm definitely having trouble getting back into it and part of me feels like I should push it back some more. Luckily, I always have that option but I really feel like I need to just do this thing.

Me Time

Before Everything

Studying for an exam and planning a huge vacation meant zero me time. It actually meant negative me time. What does that mean? It means I realized there weren't enough hours in the day and decided to make more... by sleeping less. I started setting my alarm an hour earlier, staying up later, and drinking more coffee. I liked to pride myself on getting a full night's sleep, but something has to give when you're trying to do it all.

Actual Picture of me in April

After Everything

I think a cruise is entirely composed of me time. In hindsight, I kind of wish I brought my study guide or some video games or something. There is so much downtime on a cruise, especially without a beverage package. It felt really weird to just relax, but I think I really needed it. I was definitely burning the candle at every end in early April and then that just exploded when my mom died. The little focus I had after that went to planning her service and the rest of my time I just wanted to sleep. The vacation really came at the perfect time to just not have anything I needed to do.

Being back at work and just out of the jetlag, I'm noticing the benefits of taking some time off. In the weeks before I left, issues at work were feeling hazy and I was having trouble wrapping my head around things. Now that I'm back, I'm feeling more creative and ambitious in the way I tackle issues at work. It feels like some time off was exactly what my brain needed.

Unplugged April

Before Everything

I feel like I had been working on a good compromise here. All the time I spent studying really took me away from social media as much as I'd been checking it before. I probably could have separated more though but early in the month was supposed to just be gradually working up to not having cell service on my trip.

After Everything

If I was addicted to my phone before, it really got worse after my mom passed. I did receive a lot of phone calls, texts, and messages which definitely was part of it, but really I just hid in internet world for a while. I found it hard to concentrate on anything serious like reading or studying so the fluffy distracting world of the internet was perfect. I was extra glued to my phone and I needed that escape.

So the trip really was needed even more. I definitely wasn't going to spend the small fortune it would cost to stay connected full time but we did have to ease into it. Almost every cafe in most of Europe has free wifi so our first stop would usually be an espresso and some internet time. It was nice to have to limit our internet to short bursts throughout the day. It also meant I was really just reading texts, messages, and quickly going through emails. Dan and I also found that Facebook and Instagram would download a little bit of the feeds so we could check them when we were bored later on the boat and our likes would send back when we were connected again. It would only do like the top 10 posts but it was nice to kind of save a little bit of it for later.

I don't really feel like I learned anything here though. Once we got internet again, I was as connected as ever. I still feel like I need a lot of distractions and it's still my safe escape. I definitely need to build better habits to disconnect more.

---

My Best Me May

This goal had been my plan from the beginning but I think it's more fitting than ever. I think that when you experience a loss, once place to go is to get angry or let yourself fall into bad habits. Luckily, I've never dealt with loss that way. I don't know what happens after we die, and I've always felt the possibility of our loved ones "watching over us." Maybe they are, maybe they aren't, but, just in case, I'd like them to look down and be proud.

This goal was originally meant as more of a way to get back on track after the vacation but it also is fitting that I don't want to lose sight of my goals and the things my mom encouraged me to do. She lived her life SO HARD and I want to keep doing the same. So this goal is really a lot of little goals - passing my test and working on my next projects, training for my races, keeping up with all of my habits, and of course, making my bed each morning (in case Mom is watching).

It might feel that with all my other goals, this one is hard to wrap my head around and I feel that too. Sometimes I feel like it made more sense when my other goals were still on track, but maybe when we get a little off course, we need to remember the goal more than ever. It almost has a "Happiness Project" feel to it - remembering all your past goals as you keep making new ones.

May is also the month I turned 31. Last year, I wrote the post about the 30 things I learned before turning 30 and after this year, I feel like I could write another 30 things I learned in the past year. This is about remembering those lessons and continuing to grow and that's really the goal for May.

On the Loss of My Mom

This is a blog about my life, and it feels like it would be remiss to not share one of the biggest things that's happened in it - last week my mom passed away. She had been suffering on and off again from cancer for many years and after a gruesome battle, she just couldn't fight any more.

I could fill this post easily with memories of my mom. One of my earliest though would take me back to elementary school. I don't know what grade I was in but we had an assignment that everyone gets at least once - Who is your hero? I was young enough that almost everyone put their parents but I really thought my mom was my hero. I knew she was an immigrant and struggled with English. She worked full time and cooked dinner and raised three kids and probably never slept. She hosted parties and exercised and danced and loved us so hard. It just seemed like she did it all and loved it. I can still picture her now making dinner in her short shorts and thinking "no one else's mom wears this or looks like this."

As I revisited the topic through out my life, my mom would continue to be my hero. From the first time she got breast cancer (before I could even wrap my head around what that was), to traveling the world by herself, to being a little woman with the biggest attitude, to fighting a life that didn't always meet her expectations, and to fighting and fighting and fighting a cancer that just would not quit.

My mom just had SO MUCH about her. She made such an impression on people. My friends always told me how feisty she was and how when they met her, they understood everything about me. I am demure in comparison to my mom. And my friends LOVED her. During a cancer remission, she came to visit me in San Francisco. A friend was having a party and I told her I couldn't go because my mom was visiting. "Bring her!" my friend said and ended up inviting a couple other moms as well so she'd have parents to talk to. My mom socialized with the other parents for a little while but was very excited to get to know all of my friends. Age didn't matter to her and she quickly won over all their affections by sharing embarrassing memories of me.

Memories are such a special thing. I wish there really was a pensieve for memories so I could keep them for later. I have loved all the memories of my mom that people have shared with me these past weeks. My mom was such a character, the memories just always make me smile. From some incidents while she was learning English to wine-filled girls nights, my mom left people with so many happy memories and I can't possibly be sad when I hear such things.

My mom left all of us with the best of her. She was highly critical of us - she always strived for perfection and wanted it from us as well. She taught all of us kids to cook and to keep our homes in presentable shape and to dress well. I don't think any of us come close to the standard she set but we are always trying. She taught me that it's ok to have 100 hobbies and some of my favorite crafts like stitching came from stumbling across the projects she gave up when she had kids. Above all, the trait she past down the most was her love of hosting. All three of us enjoy entertaining and we hope to really keep that legacy going more than anything else. My brothers and I already have plans to entertain at the family house so that we really honor that memory of her.

I've also learned through this process that I have surrounded myself with amazing people. I've had so many friends reach out, call, send flowers, or visit. No matter how much time or distance has come between us, people have come out in all different ways to show their support and that is so touching. My mom also had just the best friends. So many people offered to help our family and assist with the service. And losing the key link in a chain - it's confusing. Our family has definitely considered that we may not see some of these people again without our mom, but talking to them this past week, they seemed just as concerned that we wouldn't want to keep in touch with them. Even in her passing, my mom has been connecting people, and I know we hope to stay close with all of her family and friends.

So how am I doing?

Well, that's a really hard question to answer. A lot of the time, I feel ok- just a little emptier and little sadder. It doesn't feel like my mom is gone because it doesn't feel like it's been enough time. It feels like she's on vacation, a trip to Brazil, where she's just hard to reach but will be back soon. It's going to take some time for this to sink in. The times it hurts the most are when I think about the future. I will have kids that won't know my mother. I will never get another birthday card or call from my mom. I can't even imagine the holidays. That's when I realize the permanence of what has happened. But on a day to day basis - I'm ok. Sometimes my parents' house feels a little too quiet, but even then, there is an echo of someone calling me to set the table or use just the right dish. I grabbed some seasonings the other day and could imagine her saying "omg not those!"

Grief is such a weird thing. You never know how it will hit you. My mom was so sick and in so much pain for so long. I would often leave my visits from her house and cry the whole drive home so I came to peace with the inevitable a while ago. I would have loved for my mom to live forever and especially to meet her daughter's children and maybe even to move in with us some day. That was my dream life, but I knew it wasn't likely so I've been grieving for my mom for a long time. She is finally at peace and no longer in pain and there is some relief for everyone in that. But the house is quiet and the memories are fresh and it stings when something interesting happens and I want to share it with her.

I don't know what my future holds but I know what it doesn't and that's the hardest thing about all of this.

March 2017 - Habit Check In #3

Here's March!!! I guess there are still a few more hours left in the month but my post is ready and you can read all about it!

Family Time

The weather has finally cleared up and we're really starting to explore San Diego. All 4 of our hikes this month were new to us. I'm really loving how this habit is getting us to explore new places and I have a growing list of hikes to check out. This month, we also did our first harder difficulty hike. We were going to do another but ended up taking it easy and just going on a walk around a lake we found nearby. I like that we're keeping family time flexible and we have a lot of fun together on our hikes.

I think April will be a little different in terms of Family time. I'm going to need to use my free time for studying the next few weeks which will cut into family time - however, we then go on our big trip! Even though Harley won't be with us, Dan and I will get to spend A LOT of time adventuring together. We had SUCH a good time on our honeymoon and I'm so excited that we basically get two whole weeks of "family time" even if we may have to lose some of our weekly hikes.

Stick to a Regular Fitness Schedule

My fitness schedule has been rocking. I love that this habit has led me to really stick to my classes and my muscle definition has been looking great because of it. I still have to miss sometimes for work travel and things but aside from interruptions out of my control, the gym is the priority.

I also signed up for online fitness classes by the same people who make Body Pump so that when I am traveling, I can still get my exercise on. Speaking of Body Pump - release #100 is coming to an end and I'm excited for 101. However, I am going to miss this awesome triceps track. It's my least favorite muscle group but the song is so awesome it makes me excited to do my skull crushers and tricep pullovers (I still die on the tri push ups though).

On the other hand, I've really been slacking on my walks. I'm definitely pulling myself in too many directions right now and when that happens, something has to go. This month it was walks. The weekly family hikes really helped but I need to make sure Harley and I are taking our time to take a spin around the block.

Meal Planning

This is always the one I struggle with but it's getting better. I might not be writing menus on Sundays but I'm trying to think of meals a few days out. Sometimes that thinking still takes place in the store but one thing at a time.

At the end of the month, we decided to tighten up on our eating again. Even though we don't feel like we have to eat paleo all the time, it's nice to have it in our back pocket. We've been enjoying lots of treats lately and want to make sure we don't let the treats take over our life so it's good to cleanse every now and then.

That's how this happened. It's not meals planned out into tupperware but I did take the time to pre-portion out my Costco haul so that early in the week I can thaw some fish or pork chops or sausage or whatever I plan on cooking that week.

Take an Annual Trip with My Husband

So much progress here!!!! We booked excursions and got our travel documents ready and started getting recommendations for what to do in each city! It's been great to chip away at this but now that our trip is next month I'm starting to think we should have been taking bigger chunks out earlier. 😆

As I've mentioned (and will continue to - sorry, I write these posts out of order) and planning the trip has been good procrastination for that and vice versa. I think I work better when I have two things to bounce between.

Read a Book a Week

This month, I decided to re-visit the read harder challenge. It's an annual challenge by the book site, Book Riot, that encourages people to branch out of their usual genres. I looked at it in December and didn't love how super specific some of the items were. Well, by March, I realized that on my own I'd already check off about 1/3 of the tasks (about 6 without duplicating any, 8 if I did... which IS permitted in the challenge rules).

So what have I marked off?
Read a Debut Novel - Behind Closed Doors
Read a Book by an Immigrant or With Central Immigration Narrative - The Sun is Also a Star (hits both)
Read a Book You've Read Before - The Handmaid's Tale
Read a Book Set Within 100 Miles - The Mothers
Read a Fantasy Novel - All the Birds in the Sky
Read a Book About War - The Art of War
Read a Book Frequently Challenged or Banned - The Handmaid's Tale*
Read a Book Where all Point-of-View Characters are people of Color - The Mothers*
*book used twice

Well, that made me feel really good about the challenge and I think I'll take a stab at the rest. I'm not looking forward to the non-fiction technology book, the poems, or the short stories because I really don't like those genres but I'm willing to take a stab at it. I'd also like to beat it without repeating a book so I might try some of the categories again.

I also finished my course with a resounding super A and am excited to keep on doing some work on my own. Never stop learning! However, I once again did the bare minimum here in terms of books overall. I am part way through 3 books though. I think that along with going on vacation next month will mean a lot of books read in April.

Me Time

Usually every year, I have a resolution I know will fall by the wayside early on. This is that one. The goal of this was to really carve out pieces of time where I was making time for things I enjoy outside of any other commitments or goals I make for myself.

That's really hard.

If you're wondering how I can work and exercise and read and and cook and go on hikes with my family and take online classes and dream of a future business empire... while finding a corner of the world for me to have to myself... I can't.... but I don't feel too bad about it. I had a lot of years of having that time and I was bored or lonely and I can honestly say that I don't feel either of those things in any sort of all-encompassing way.

I still do things I like... but I multi-task. I write blog posts in my head while I exercise and I listen to books while I drive and I'm always constantly moving and doing. It may sound tiring but it's the way I've always been and if doing means not having enough extra quiet time... that's ok for now.

Mo' Money March

This one took some really unexpected turns this month. I meant it more as a way to really encourage me to drive more business to my Etsy shop and to also study for the class I was taking – to me doing these things would have been an accomplishment. Well, the Etsy shop is chugging along and I got an A in my class… but that was nothing compared to the big picture of mo’ money March.

For those who don’t know, I’ve always wanted to start my own business. Last year, I came up with two ideas (one in collaboration with Dan). I won’t say what they are but I think they’re really good. The plan was that I’d pursue one and when that did well, we could use the money to invest in the second. I’m happy that the first has made some big strides this month and it’s making me really excited that a goal I’ve worked towards for almost a year is beginning to take shape.

We also made progress on the second business idea even though it’s further out of the way. We started brainstorming and making lists. I looked up properties that would be our dream spaces just to get an idea of what would work for what we want to do. I saved links. I recommended things for Dan to read so he could start making plans. I don’t know when we’ll be able to do this awesome thing we’ve been dreaming of but I want to have a plan in place so we can jump on it at any point. During my research, it sounded like similar businesses were doing really well and it made me confident that if we’re smart and organized, we could have a real winner.

So – no, I didn’t spend a lot of time making more patterns to sell on Etsy but I think that was reaching to touch the ceiling and instead we got out a ladder, stood on the roof, and looked at the stars. They look really good.

---

For next month, my goal is really clear: Unplugged April. My phone is about as attached to me as a tumor to its host and it’s probably just as bad for me. I’ve been trying to disconnect a little more – leaving my phone in another room, putting it on silent, trying not to reach for it when I’m with friends, and lastly, just being so in the moment I don’t think about it. However, I get the best refresh soon – a trip abroad where data is expensive!! Yes, next month is our Europe trip and I am really excited to not have cell service. I think I’ll get a tiny data plan just to be able to check in on my mom and try to catch a Mr. Mime but other than that I want to just really enjoy Europe. Up until then, I will also be studying for an exam and I might lose my phone for several hours at a time while I do that.

Review: Instant Pot and a Recipe for Instant Duck Confit!

There's a word going through the cooking world right now - Instant Pot!

So what is this device that everyone is so excited about? It's basically what you would get if a pressure cooker, slow cooker, and rice cooker all had a baby. Yes, it can do all of those things.

What most people are excited about though is the pressure cooking. Pressure cookers have historically been a little scary. I remember whenever my mom used hers and she told me that if I came into the kitchen, I would explode. Needless to say, I've never been excited about attempting to pressure cook anything.

...until the Instant Pot came along! I'm not going to lie, the first few times (and every time after) I still hold some residual pressure cooker fear but the Instant Pot feels so safe, that I'm slowly getting over my fear of pressure.

So what's the verdict???

Pros:

• SPEED - My biggest gripe about slow cooking has always been time. If something takes 8-10 hours to cook and I forget to put it in on time I'm either SOL or we are eating dinner at 10pm. Not fun. The Instant Pot does everything a slow cooker can do in a fraction of the time. Need to slow cook something for 8 hours? Put it in the Instant Pot for an hour. 
• Flavor - I'm pretty sure the pressure helps get more flavor out of the meals. This isn't an opinion - like I think there's some science behind it.
• Quick buttons - Every now and then I'll wing it but it's still hard to know how long something needs to be under pressure. Luckily there are some preset buttons like meat, poultry, beans/chili, etc so you can push one of those and the pot will set itself to the ideal time for what you're making.
• 7-in-1 - it's a pressure cooker, rice cooker, slow cooker, steamer, saute dish, yogurt maker, and warmer. While you probably won't use all of these functions at once, having a multi-use appliance is great because many slow/pressure cooked dishes are best when you brown the meat first. No one wants to dirty an extra pan but have no fear - you can saute right in the Instant Pot! Then you get your pressure on and afterwards it will keep it warm for you. BAM 3 of the uses right there.

Cons:

• BUTTONS - seriously, there are about 20 buttons on this thing. A very advanced slow cooker has about 4. There's a much steeper learning curve and you will need to read the instructions. Don't like instructions? Read above where I talk about pressure cookers historically exploding. Bet you're reading the instructions now!
• Sealing valve - The pressure cooker has a little valve that seals in the pressure. When your cooking time is up, you can either let the pressure decrease on it's own or you can release the pressure valve and a rush of steam will shoot out. Obviously, this is terrifying. I usually poke it from across the room with the longest spoon I have. Dan has frequently asked that I warn him when I do this because even though he doesn't know the worries about pressure cookers, releasing the valve sounds like an explosion. My other issue with the sealing valve - unless the recipe says, I'm not usually sure when to release it and when to let the pressure go down on its own. I think letting the pressure release has the benefit of longer cooking (more tender, more flavor) and being safer. However, it will lead to an extra build up of moisture since the steam is not escaping - for some recipes, this will not be ideal.
• Low heat sauteing - I've been using the saute function to brown meats before pressure cooking but it doesn't feel like the heat gets high enough to really get a good brown sear on there. If you really want a good hard sear, I would recommend using a frying pan first. It still works fine for pre-cooking things like onions or ground meat. 

All in all, it's an amazing small appliance. Yes, there is a learning curve but luckily a lot of people are paving the way. Most of the food bloggers that I follow have already been testing our recipes and there are a lot of cookbooks. I got Paleo Cooking with Your Instant Pot a couple of months ago and pre-ordered another Instant Pot cookbook for this summer. 

So my verdict - get one but do your research. Don't be afraid of your machine but use the internet, Pinterst, and cookbooks to get some guidance for your first few recipes. Once you get the hang of the buttons, don't be afraid to experiment! A few times, I've definitely thrown in some slow cooking meat and put it under pressure instead and it totally worked.

Like... that time I made Duck Confit! Duck confit is one of my favorite dishes but is notoriously very time consuming. I've made it in the slow cooker before but it misses the sear it needs and takes a long time to cook.... which makes it sound perfect for the instant pot.

The first step is break down your duck. You might be able to get one broken down from a butcher shop but in stores, I always see a whole duck for sale. Duck confit is usually just the thighs but I use the breasts as well as to not waste. 

The biggest thing here - SAVE ALL THE EXTRA SKIN AND FAT. Duck Confit has to be slow cooked in duck fat. You can buy some but it's really expensive and your duck comes with lots! I cut off all the extra skin and fat and cook it on low to make my own fat. 

Here are my little duck skin pieces frying. Just make sure your temperature doesn't get too high because it will crackle. Also be sure to watch them and make sure they're cooking evenly so you can get as much fat as possible. 

While you are rendering your fat, you can start to get a sear on your duck thighs and breast skin. To do this, set the Instant Pot to saute mode. I actually found that this didn't get them hot enough so it might be better to sear them off in a frying pan. You only need to do the skin side.

Once your duck is seared and the duck fat is ready, you can turn off the Instant Pot and strain your fat into it.

Once that's done, you're ready to pressure cook! Close off your Instant Pot and make sure the valve is on the sealing mode. I wasn't sure how long to cook it, so I just hit the poultry button. The default was 15 min but I increased it to 30 so it really would get tender.

I also wasn't sure if I should release the pressure at the end or let it naturally go down. I went for a mix of both and released the pressure after about 15 minutes. I think not releasing the pressure creates a lot of steam though and that doesn't work as well for duck confit.

When I took it out, the sear had lost it's crisp. I decided to heat them up on the stove (in the same pan I rendered the fat in). This re-crisped them up and added a lot of flavor.

In the end, it turned out really well and I saved all of my duck fat for further cooking as well as making a duck stock from the bones. 

The recipe worked out really well but it definitely wasn't quite a one-pot meal. I liked the way it turned out by re-searing the duck after the pressure cooking. 

February 2017 - Habit Check In #2

I'm really loving how this structure for my goals has given me more to write about! I've been trying to throw out some other posts in between as well but obviously that has to work around time and well, having something to write about. I have a few adventures next month that should give some more blog fodder and I also want to review more of the kitchen and wine gadgets that I use every day.

Anyways, here's how February went!

Family Time

This has easily become the highlight of my week. We've started really planning our weekends around when we can get our family walk in and this month, it wasn't easy. Each of the weeks, we had some big conflict trying to keep us from our walk but we made it anyways.

Week 1, we were out of town for my work. I have to work Superbowl every year and we usually make it into a little weekend getaway to LA. We usually walk on Saturdays but had gone to Universal Studios instead. While the quantity of walking would probably count it, the spirit wasn't there. Instead, we planned to go Sunday morning before work. It ended up being really hectic between eat breakfast, packing, and making sure I got to work on time - but we did it. It was a short mile-ish loop around the parcourse near my parent's house but it was something.

Weeks 2-3 we were dealing with busy weekends and bad weather. We had a hardcore workout one week and race the next and both weekends it was supposed to be rainy on the day we could do our hike. Hiking isn't quite as fun if it's super muddy, especially with a dog, so we timed our walks to breaks in the weather and just found paved trails - usually waterfront. While not a true hike, it gave us some awesome views and helped us find some new paths.

Week 4 should have just been a disaster. We went back and forth on where to go - the weather was finally nice enough for a real hike, but we had plans that we'd be late for if we did something too intensive. We'd been loving the water so we decided to do Torrey Pines - but when we parked we saw lots of "no dogs" signs. I didn't want to drive around looking for something else since we'd already lost so much time so we decided just to take the dog to a nearby dog beach. We had so much fun playing and splashing around and got the bonus of finding a new fun beach. We'll have to circle back to Torrey Pines another day but it always sucks to leave the dog at home when we go on an adventure.

Stick to a Regular Fitness Schedule

I don't really have much to say on this one. I've definitely been working out a lot and mostly sticking to the schedule I set myself but I'm not perfect and I missed a lot of days as well. For some reason, every Monday this month, something came up to keep my climbing partners and myself out of the gym. I also missed a lot of Body Pump classes either because I had another workout or just something fun came up... like free beer tasting. All these things totally happen but for March I'd like to pull it in and try to really hit my weekly schedule.

On the plus side - while I've missed a bunch of gym time, I've been walking a whole lot more with the dog. Usually, they're just little short walks around the block but they've been a nice way for both of us to get a little sunshine and exercise. We've also tried to do work around the garden whenever it's been sunny out and it's nice putting those muscles to some functional use.

The 2017 kilometer challenge is going well too! Extra walks mean extra chipping away at it, even if they're on the short side. At the end of last month, I had 64km and this month I had 119. That means I'm being consistent (giving myself a break on the 3 shorter days this month) which is great for me and great for the dog. Also, last year, I had 244 km for the whole year. That means that in 2 months, I've gone half as far as I did.. IN A YEAR. It's crazy and I'm so proud at how we've made something as simple as going on more walks, runs, and hikes into such a regular habit.

Meal Planning

This one continues to challenge me. I did add a section for planning out dinners in my daily planner but I'm still not being consistent. To help get on track though, I did a few stocking up dinners. What are those? That's when I cook something really big that I know will last a few nights and then we just have to find sides to go with them (usually making tacos). Examples are pulled pork, brisket, and chili. The added benefit is that they're made in the slow cooker or pressure cooker so I can prep them and let them cook while doing other things!

Brisket!!!!!

Slow cooked pork!!!!

Take an Annual Trip with my Husband

Not much progress here which is bad because our trip is coming up really fast. What I really need to do is get our taxes together so we can see if we have a bigger budget for excursions and things.... Obviously next month there needs to be a lot of work here, but I did try to get an idea of the budget and things.

Read a Book a Week

In January, I read way over the book/week goal which was awesome. For February, I was right on track, and that was ok too. I knew that some months would be harder to meet the goal and February was one of those - but I met it anyways! Just barely!

In addition to being pressed for time, I also read a couple of longer books - like over 500 pages. All four of my books this month were really fast reads that I hated putting down and that was probably the real driver behind finishing this month.

All in all, I read 4 books in 4 weeks coming in exactly at my goal.

Edit: these screenshots come from Goodreads. A book social media site I use to track my reading. I also usually write reviews of all the books I read in case you're interesting in the reasons behind my scores.

Me Time

This month I learned that me time can come in a lot of shapes and sizes. Sometimes it's just listening to my body or my needs. Earlier in the month, Dan and I went to a free bootcamp workout and it kicked our butts. The next day, I was so sore and instead of pushing myself, I just took a day off. I cancelled my gym plans, I made a really simple dinner, and then I just soaked in the tub for an hour. It felt so good, and the next day I felt better... but the next day was Valentine's Day and I had another dilemma. I could go to the gym, but then I'd be home late and be rushing to make dinner and get things done and wouldn't be able to just enjoy the night and spend time with Dan so I decided to take another day off from the gym. I love working out and I'm so happy with what's happening with my fitness but I think finding the balance and knowing when to take some time off so that I don't overdo it or stress myself out is important too.

I'm also learning that I don't want me time to be lazy time. I could totally veg out in front of the TV all day but I'm trying to make my free time work for me. Lately I've been doing a lot of gardening when I have down time or making more time to make sure I eat solid meals while I work from home. While I'm still moving - I feel a lot better in general when I'm being productive.

Fabulous February

but hey - this outfit was pretty cute
so not a total fail?

This was basically a fail. I mean, it's not like I dress terrible or anything. The few times I did go out, I styled my hair and picked a cute outfit. I just think that, in general, my style is fitness chic and I'm totally ok with that. I like dressing up when I get the chance but I'm still going to be rocking yoga pants and tank tops most of the time. I don't need to force cuteness or dress up to run errands - that's just not my thing.

This probably ended up being more of a "Feel Good February." I think I've come a long way from some of the things that caused me to be more self-conscious. All of the habits above are leading me to feel great, have more energy, and most importantly, have a sound mind. I've tried to treat myself better day to day including little things like eating a good breakfast each morning and trying to get some sunshine each day. Working out more has also coincided with drinking a lot less and getting better sleep. All of the habits together are having the effect of making me feel really good and that's awesome.

My monthly goal for next month was going to be Mo' Money March - in attempt to save more money. However, we're going to need to do a lot of spending in related to the last bit of planning for our trip so I think I might take this the other direction and work on ways to make mo' money. I still have an Etsy shop and despite awesome sales in January, February was really slow. I want to find ways to connect with potential buyers more and try to naturally grow interest in my shop.

I also will be wrapping up my class which means I have some open time to study for a certification that will open up some moonlighting possibilities for me. I should also try spending less money but I like the idea of focusing on ways I can make more money as well... it seems more sustainable long term.