I remember everything about where I was exactly one a year ago. I was anxious and scared. I was about to have my first surgery, my first IV, my first hospital stay, my first baby. While some of that was inevitable, all of it at once, when I very much wanted a natural birth, was overwhelming.
And now, a year later, it all seems like nothing. The surgery went smoothly. The recovery was hard, but fast. The first few months with a newborn are all about adjusting to your new lifestyle, a new person in your life... and then you do, and the fun really starts.
Don't get me wrong, a baby is hard. We often say we're so lucky to have an easy baby, but even so there are still middle of the night wake ups, there's still crying, there's still early mornings, there's still the endless chasing of a small person that wants to put everything in their mouths. And who knows - maybe our baby isn't easy. We just realized she was generally happy and when she cried, there was always a reason. Sometimes we even figured out what that reason was!Despite all of that work though, it's worth it. To see this little person that you created learn a new skill, or find something they enjoy, is such a wonderful feeling. Don't even get me started about baby giggles. I thrive on baby giggles. 33 years of trying to be cool went out the window when I discovered baby giggles. I will do any silly dance, make any weird voice, and do all the wacky faces for those baby giggles. She's the only one whose opinion I care about.
I love seeing her become the person she's going to be. From her looks (my big eyes, but Dan's color) to her personality (1000% mom!), every day she becomes a little more herself.
Going through a major pandemic with a baby is also interesting. Having Dan home to help out with her is definitely a blessing but otherwise, navigating this time can be tricky. There is no guide book. Are we missing out on some major milestones by having our child mostly isolated? By not being able to go to museums and zoos and all the fun stuff we had planned? I do have to say though, we did end up in a pretty lucky time in our lives for this to happen. We had our wedding and baby shower. We don't have to balance Brooke's education on top of everything. Having a baby definitely keeps us from getting bored day to day. Hopefully, by the time it really is important for her to socialize, this will be over.
Being a parent is full of things to feel mixed about but the one I grapple with a lot is the passing of time. I simultaneously want this baby to stay little forever and also want her to be 23 so we can sit around drinking wine and gossiping together like my mom and I did in the adult years we had together. There are so many moments in between that I look forward to as well - trips to theme parks and museums and doing lots of fun activities together.And that's the thing about watching your kid grow up. Each new moment you think "this is the best, way better than the last stage. I love this." and then they learn a new thing and it gets a little better. Sure, I also miss the days when all she could do was cuddle on my chest and not get into every little thing around the house... but the latter is way more interesting.
So that's it - we have 1 year down and still soooo much more to experience with our wonderful, smart, loving, curious, and wild little girl. Happy Birthday Brooke!
